


Brothers - Epilogue – Where it All Began

by CastorLycan



Series: Brothers [2]
Category: Brothers by Karen Anker, Original Work
Genre: Adoption, Brothers, Family, Family Fluff, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-02-17 08:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13073454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastorLycan/pseuds/CastorLycan
Summary: John takes Jeff, Ramsey, and Brad on a road trip to Idaho to search out the Wade brothers' beginnings.John 25, Eddie 21, Brad 19, Cutter 18, James 17, Ramsey 15, Jeff 15June, 1986





	1. Last Night at Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're new to the series, here are the basic relationships...   
> Carl, Brad, and Ramsey Wade grew up with their Mom and Dad until their parents died when the younger boys were about 4 and 7. The three were sent to live with their abusive grandfather until he died a couple of years later. Carl hit the road with his brothers following that, where his mind snapped and he became abusive himself. Brad and Ramsey were rescued a year and a half before this Epilogue begins, at which time they were taken in by the Lofton family. John Lofton adopted them. Now they're on a trip to rediscover their roots and explore their past.

"It's only 600 miles," Ramsey said, gauging the distance with his fingers on the unfolded map on the family room table. "Give or take 20 miles or so." 

"We could do that in a day," Brad said, not wanting to take up more of John's time than he had to. 

"An awfully long day," John said. "We'll take it in two days. There's no hurry." 

"We can do some sightseeing on the way!" Jeff said. He was excited to be going along. He loved road trips, and this was going to be a special one. They were going to Idaho Falls to see where Ramsey and Brad's family had once lived and learn about their parents. 

"I wish I could go," Cutter remarked. He really wanted to, but there wasn't room for everyone in the Impala, plus he was starting his second summer with the construction crew. James was joining him on the crew this year too, and Cutter was looking forward to showing his little brother the ropes. 

"Me too," Eddie said, but he also had a summer job. He had successfully finished his first year at Black Hills State University and was going to spend the next few months helping out at the grade school for the summer school sessions.  

No one said anything insipid like, 'maybe next time', because the whole family understood that this was probably a once in a lifetime trip. John had done a little digging and found out some information about the Wades, and they were taking this opportunity to learn more about them. It wasn't like they were going to visit relatives and would have a reason to keep returning – no, this was more like visiting the ghosts of their past lives, and once would probably prove enough.  

And if that wasn't enough to make the trip bittersweet, once in Idaho Falls Brad was flying to San Diego to begin his basic training in the Marines. Ramsey tried not to think about that too much. The two brothers had spent the last year forging a new relationship. Previously they had been two boys trying to survive; fear and longing and desperation were their daily companions, and their relationship was skewed because of it. They had setbacks in their progress, such as when Ramsey turned bratty or when Brad needed to back off and let the younger boy experience a touch of normal teenage rebellion, but the extra year together in a safe, loving environment had gone a long way towards cementing a lifelong friendship based on mutual love and respect.  

"Is everyone packed?" John asked, and Jeff, Ramsey, and Brad all affirmed that they were. "Let's get everything in the car, so we can leave first thing in the morning." 

The family spent a quiet night at home enjoying their time together and saying goodbye to Brad. Ramsey had a hard time distracting himself from the thought that Brad was really and truly leaving to go off and be a Marine – an _adult_. The next time he saw his brother he would be in uniform and would have forever left the world of childhood behind. Ramsey couldn't stand the thought of being left behind like that.  

Mid-evening Heather stopped by with a tin of cookies for the trip, and she and Brad said goodbye all over again, with tender kisses on the front porch out of view of the others. They were pretty sure her parents knew they occasionally kissed, but they hadn't made a big deal out of it. Brad had made it clear that he respected their daughter, so they were willing to look the other way sometimes. The two had spent the day together riding horses around both properties. Brad was an accomplished rider by now, and loved getting outdoors with his girlfriend.  

The evening air was comfortable – not warm, but not cool, with a slight breeze blowing. Brad and Heather sat out on the porch quietly talking and sampling cookies. Ramsey was just inside, resentment growing at this girl taking his brother's attention on their last night at home together! He had been careful not to interfere with Brad's budding romance, feeling guilty over how he had treated Emily (at least in his own mind). Plus, he really liked Heather! She was always friendly to him and didn't seem to mind including him sometimes – more often than Brad seemed to appreciate, actually. The thought made Ramsey snicker. Still! It was their last family night together before Brad went off to become an adult, and he didn't like his brother hanging out on the porch. Without him. Finally he got up from the sofa intending to go out front and interrupt them. 

"Whatcha doing, rugrat?" John asked from nearby, stopping the 15 year-old in his tracks. 

"Just going out to see what they're up to," Ramsey said innocently, thinking that sounded better than he was going outside to make a nuisance of himself until Heather finally left! 

Cutter laughed. "You might be embarrassed by what they're up to!" 

Ramsey blushed. John had had a very uncomfortable talk with Jeff and him the previous fall, and Ramsey was no longer in the dark about exactly where babies came from. He hadn't yet gone on any dates himself, but all of his older brothers were now dating regularly. "I don't- I didn't want to see- oh, never mind." He plopped down on the sofa again, crossed his arms, and scowled at the TV set.  

Jeff suddenly sat up, a twinkle in his eyes. "Hey, let's go practice!" 

"Our violins?" Ramsey asked. "How come?" School was out and orchestra was done for the summer. 

"Bluegrass. Come on!" 

"Okay." Ramsey let himself be pulled to his feet and followed his younger brother upstairs. He wanted to do family things together, not hole up with Jeff in his room, but since Brad had already ruined that by hanging out on the porch, he might as well. He dutifully got his violin out of its case and joined Jeff.  

Jeff, meanwhile, had gotten his own violin out. As Ramsey entered Jeff's room, Jeff pointedly opened the bedroom window and looked out and down, grinning hugely at Ramsey. 

"You don't want to go out there, do you?" Ramsey asked. John's moratorium on Jeff going out on the roof hadn't yet been lifted. 

"We don't need to!" Jeff searched through their stack of music and extracted a book of violin bluegrass duets. "Let's play!" 

Ramsey grinned, and joined Jeff by the window. Soon Brad and Heather were serenaded by the lively sound of bluegrass, and any hope of continuing their quiet conversation was gone! Both boys kept watch out the window and were gratified to see the lovebirds emerge from under the porch and stand in the yard, looking up. Heather was smiling at the music, and Brad was... also smiling, but with a knowing look, not at all fooled by the boys' intentions. Soon the rest of the family joined them out in the yard and were looking up, listening. 

After the first tune, everyone applauded while Brad called up to the boys, "Could you be any more obnoxious?" It was said in a good-natured way, though, so Jeff and Ramsey just laughed. 

"Come on down and play!" John called up. 

"Yeah, you might as well," Brad said, giving in and laughing. 

Jeff and Ramsey grabbed the music and their violins and were soon putting on a show from the porch. They played for another half an hour until the air started cooling off, and Brad walked Heather home. The rest of the family went back inside, and after an eternally long time, Ramsey was happy because Brad was back. The brothers chatted, all conscious that after that night nothing would ever be the same again, with the seven of them together like that. Sure, they would hope to get together in the future, but Brad was growing up, separating himself from the fold.   

As 10:00 approached, John said, "Well, we have an early start in the morning. Let's all hit the sack."  

Jeff and Ramsey, who had graduated to a 10:00 bedtime during the school year and 11:00 during the summer, didn't protest. The whole family trooped upstairs and got ready for bed, then John made the rounds to tuck everyone in. Jeff and James first, then Cutter and Ramsey – only Ramsey wasn't in bed. "He's in Brad's room," Cutter offered. 

John stopped by Eddie's room, then went to Brad's room. Sure enough, both teens were laying under the covers, Ramsey tucked under his older brother's arm. John smiled at them. "Sleeping in here tonight?" 

"Yup," Ramsey said, snuggling further under the covers as if afraid John was going to make him go back to his own bed. 

John sat on the edge, patting Ramsey's leg for him to scoot over a little. He looked at his two kids – his first two kids, because even though he had adopted the rest of his brothers, these were his first. Brad, dark-haired, with a content, earnest expression in his gray eyes. The teen had grown taller in the last year and had filled out. John had always known him to be strong, but the wiriness had turned to a more solid strength thanks to a year of good nutrition, running with James, and working on the McCalls' farm. During the year he had also taken several courses at SM&T, not with the intention of going for a degree, but just to learn about agriculture. Brad had also spent the last year courting Heather under the still-watchful eyes of her parents. Heather had been over to their house a lot more often, sometimes in the company of Amy and more often when Grace was over. Now Brad was off to the Marines in a matter of days, and John couldn't be any prouder of him. Next to Brad was the still-cuddly blonde, blue-eyed Ramsey. He had gotten slightly taller in the last year and had gotten to a slim but healthy weight. His eyes were a little glassy, and John knew it was in anticipation of Brad's leaving.  

There was so much John wanted to say to them both; how much they had grown in the last year, both physically and as people; how much they brought to his family and how glad he was they were a part of it; how absolutely proud he was of them both; how much he loved them both. Ramsey took in a hitched breath, and John quit his musing and settled for the last thought. "I love you both so much," he said, reaching out with a hand to lightly brush first Brad's hair back, then Ramsey's.  

Both boys smiled, knowing how their young dad liked these casual gestures of affection. "I love you too, John," Brad said. 

"I love you, Daddy," Ramsey said softly. John smiled. Yes, Ramsey _would_ probably still be calling John 'Daddy' when he was 40. 

"Don't stay up all night talking," he said. Leaning over, he kissed each of them on the forehead, then stood up and walked to the door, turning out the light. He expected Ramsey would likely be in tears in a minute, but he knew that tonight Brad would comfort him. "Goodnight," he said softly. 


	2. Jeff Drives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John lets Jeff drive on the first day of their trip!

**Day One**

"Are we going north or south?" Brad asked as John drove the family out of the driveway. 

"South," John replied. 

"Aww, I want to see Devil's Tower," Jeff said from the backseat. 

To reach Idaho Falls from Jackson, they had to drive around the Black Hills. Well, they could have taken a number of smaller roads through it, but it was faster to go around it, either to the north or to the south. The northerly route would have taken them through Spearfish and Devil's Tower.

"And Sleepy Hollow," Ramsey said, next to Jeff.

John laughed. "What's in Sleepy Hollow?"

"Headless Horsemen!" Jeff said. 

"Yeah!" Ramsey agreed. "Naw, I just like the name. According to the map it's a small town. Probably nothing there."

"But I do want to see Devil's Tower," Jeff said, bringing the conversation back to where he wanted it.

"It's either Devil's Tower or Yellowstone," John said.

"We go through Yellowstone either way," Ramsey pointed out, looking at the map.

There were times John appreciated Ramsey's attention to details, and times where he didn't quite as much. The way Ramsey had been studying the map the last few days, John was sure he had it committed to memory. "Yes, but Devil's Tower is off the main road so we'd have to take a detour. There and back would probably be a couple of hours. We could go see it, but then we'd have to rush through Yellowstone."

The boys considered, and Jeff finally nodded, conceding that Yellowstone was probably more interesting. John turned on the radio and everyone settled in to a long car ride. 

After maybe 45 minutes, Jeff asked, "Can I drive?" He and Ramsey had both gotten their driver's licenses in March. Ramsey didn't particularly care about driving, but Jeff took every opportunity to get behind the wheel. 

John opened his mouth to say an automatic 'no', then realized there wasn't any particular reason why his youngest shouldn't drive. "When we get to a flat stretch."

Jeff grinned. "I could drive before a flat stretch too," he offered. "It would be good practice."

"It would," John agreed, but fell short of saying yes.

"Just let me know," Jeff said, giving John another chance.

"I will," John said, amused. "When we get to a flat stretch."

Brad looked into the backseat and smiled at Jeff's efforts. The younger boy smiled back, not discouraged. Jeff contentedly waited while they drove south past Hot Springs, ate a quick lunch in Edgemont, then continued west into Wyoming. When the road turned south again John pulled off to the side at a rest stop. They all hit the restrooms, then as they went back to the car, John tossed the keys to his youngest brother and son. 

"Really?" Jeff asked happily, catching them.

"Yes," John said. "Just drive carefully."

"Can I ride in front with him?" Ramsey asked, heading for the passenger door.

"No, I've got shotgun," John said.

Ramsey didn't even bother to complain, since he hadn't really expected John to let him anyway. He just popped the tab on another soda and retook his seat in the back while Brad took Jeff's place in the backseat. 

Jeff started the car, drove out of the largely deserted rest stop parking lot, got his turn signal going, looked over his shoulder for oncoming traffic, and finding absolutely none, carefully merged onto the highway. John also watched for oncoming traffic, and was glad that the highway was so deserted. Jeff was a good driver, but he'd only had his license since March. John had made him wait until after his 15th birthday, and for the snow to melt, before taking the test. Ramsey hadn't been in any particular hurry to learn how to drive, so he had waited and gotten his at the same time. Ramsey rather liked being chauffeured back and forth between the high school and the college every day – he enjoyed the ten minutes of alone time with John (stretched to 20 on days when they stopped by Buster John's for milkshakes)! Besides, Eddie had taken the jeep to Spearfish with him, leaving the rest of the family with just the Bronco and the Impala. So it wasn't like there were lots of spare cars around for the younger boys to drive on a daily basis anyway. 

After about fifteen or twenty minutes of Jeff driving, John started to relax. So did Jeff, unfortunately. He was in full-on road trip mode. He wanted to roll down the windows and let the wind blow through his hair and have _fun_! His right hand dropped from its previous 2 o'clock position, leaving just his left hand on the wheel, his left arm propped up by the door panel. That was much too constricting. Jeff needed the window open! He started rolling it down, but Brad, who was sitting right behind him, protested. "Keep it up! It's messing with my hair."

Ramsey smirked, looking over at his brother. Brad had let his hair grow out over the winter and spring, and now it was a tousled wavy mess. Make that a  _windblown_ , tousled wavy mess. "It's getting shaved off in a week anyway!"

"Yeah, so I want to enjoy it while I can!"

"Don't you like feeling the wind blow through it?" Jeff asked, turning his head to look back at the 19 year-old. The car veered to the right slightly as he turned.

"Jeff!" John sharply said, and Jeff returned his attention to the road. When the car was back on track, he said, "Roll your window up."

Jeff obeyed, knowing John was getting annoyed. After a few minutes of quiet he reached down for his soda, taking a sip and placing the can back in its holder. He continued doing that every few minutes until finally he just held onto the can with his right hand. 

"Set it down," John ordered.

"It's okay, I've got it," Jeff confidently replied.

"Put the can down," his older brother said.

"I won't spill it!"

"I'm not concerned about your drink, I'm-"

"If you're not worried about me spilling in the car, then what's the problem?" Jeff interrupted.

John took a deep breath, then levelly said, "Keep both hands free for driving. Put the can down."

"Oh," Jeff said, taking one more sip of his soda before setting the can back in its place. "You could have just said that."

In the backseat, Brad and Ramsey waited for John's reaction. Their oldest family member wasn't given to explosions or fits of temper, but they both figured if they weren't in the car, the youngest family member would currently be the recipient of some unwanted attention to his rear end. 

John took another deep breath and said, "Keep your hands free when driving. You know that, Jeffrey."

"Yeah, but road trips are different!" Jeff said, not ready to give up on his idea of road trip 'fun'. 

John gave him a look, and the teen wisely fell silent.  The entire car fell silent as Ramsey went back to reading his book, Brad watched out the window, and John concentrated on not yelling at his baby brother. 

Jeff, meanwhile, patiently bided his time. Once he sensed John was sufficiently calmed down, he reached out and turned on the radio. Country music. Blech. He liked playing bluegrass with Ramsey on their violins, but just to listen to a twangy country station? Yuck. Glancing at his oldest brother out of the corner of his eye, he reached out again and turned the dial. He flipped it past several fuzzy stations, stopping on the next one that got a regular full-strength signal. It was commercials, but maybe it would have rock music after that. So many commercials! Jeff got tired of waiting, and started one hand towards the radio again, but stopped at a stern look from John. After forever the commercials ended and the music started. Jazz. That was even worse than country! 

"Just leave it," John said, when Jeff made to turn the dial again.

"Jazz? Yuck! It'll put me to sleep," Jeff protested.

John didn't actually like jazz either, so he said, "You worry about your driving. I'll find something on the radio." He rapidly turned the dial, but they were in the middle of nowhere and there wasn't much except for country or talk radio. Finally he turned it back to the original country station. Jeff dramatically huffed, but John shrugged. "We can try again in a while. Maybe we'll get in range of a rock station."

Jeff drove on. He decided he might as well try to enjoy the music. At least it was some upbeat country stuff, not the depressing slow kind. Soon, without even realizing it, he was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and nodding along with the music. John Denver. He was alright. Better than some of the other songs that had played. The refrain started and from the backseat Ramsey suddenly chimed in (singly so loudly it was more of a shout), "Thank God I'm a country boy!" Three more verses, and both younger boys boisterously sang along with the refrains. The distraction, or rather, having Jeff distracted, put John more on edge, but he just stayed watchful, ready to intervene if Jeff started dancing at the wheel and drove off the road. 

When the song ended Ramsey sat back and opened a bag of chips. He and Brad munched on some, then Jeff called back, "Pass me one!"

Ramsey tossed one into the front seat, laughing when Jeff missed catching it. Before John could turn around and glare, the blonde teen tossed a handful into the front. 

"Heyyy," Brad said, reaching for the bag. Laughing, Ramsey pulled away and the bag tore, causing the potato chips to fly all over the backseat. 

Jeff, meanwhile, was reaching for the chips on the seat, his eyes darting rapidly between the road and the interior of the car. John was fit to be tied, wondering what had come over Ramsey. "Pull over!" he growled at Jeff.

"I'm fine!" Jeff protested, then sanity returned in the wake of John's anger. He put both hands on the wheel and looked forward, though he couldn't help glancing over at his brother out of the corner of his eye.

"You are not fine. Pull over!"

"No, John, let me drive, please," he pleaded.

"Jeffrey Alan Lofton, if you ever want to drive again, you'll pull over this instant!"

That threat finally succeeded in making Jeff obey. He properly used his turn signal and carefully slowed and pulled to the side of the road, as if to prove to John that he really was a good driver. John fumed. Ramsey slunk back in his seat, hiding, while Brad gathered up the fallen chips, eating some but throwing most of them into their designated paper trash bag. 

The car rolled to a complete stop and Jeff turned off the engine. The four sat silently a moment, then John opened the passenger door and got out. Sticking his head back in, he motioned for Jeff to follow him. Jeff reached for the door handle on his side of the car, but John said, "No. This side of the car. It's safer."

Jeff sincerely doubted that the passenger side was, at that moment in time, safer, but he obediently scooted across the seat, dashing past John to the long grasses at the side of the road. John opened Ramsey's door. "Out."

Ramsey scooted further towards Brad, who promptly shoved him back towards John. "Oh no," he said. "You made this mess, you deal with it."

Ramsey scowled at Brad before darting out the door past John, joining Jeff. Brad followed, deciding he might as well take the chance to stretch his legs. John stood, hands on his hips, glaring at both younger boys while they meekly waited for the explosion. What had come over them? They had been so well-behaved on the trip to Sioux Falls the year before. Just because they were now driving... "Give me your licenses," John demanded, holding out his hand.

"What?" Jeff asked, gaping. His hand went protectively to his back pocket. Normally that action would have been to protect his behind from a swat, but now it was to keep his thin wallet with his long-awaited driver's license in place.

"You heard me. You'll get them back when I can trust you to behave responsibly in the car again. I cannot believe the two of you! You know better than to act like that. Licenses, now."

Ramsey drew his license out of his own wallet with a slightly shaky hand. It didn't mean nearly as much to him as Jeff's did, but he knew he had pushed his dad too far and he was afraid. John took the card from him with a snap, then turned his hand expectantly to Jeff.

"No, John! Not my license! Please!"

"Now," John repeated. 

"Nooo," Jeff said, angry and fearful tears forming in his eyes.

"One."

"Nooo-"

"Two." John was counting fast.

Brad looked between his dad and the youngest boy. He hated seeing either of the boys in trouble, even when they deserved it. How did Jeff think he was going to get away with keeping his license? Before John could say 'three', Brad said, "Hand it over, Jeff. It's not forever."

Jeff and John both looked at the floppy-haired young man. Brad was slightly afraid John might be annoyed with him for interrupting, but he saw no disapproval in his eyes. Jeff withdrew his wallet and slowly took out his license, handing it to John with a tearful pout. 

"What did I do?" Jeff griped as he watched his and Ramsey's cards disappear into John's own wallet. 

Brad turned away so the younger boys didn't see him roll his eyes. 

"What did you do?" John asked in disbelief.

Ramsey took a step back, wishing he could disappear and wishing Jeff hadn't asked such an idiotic question. Now their dad was going to tell them everything they did wrong in great excruciating detail. And John did. For five minutes! If either of the younger boys had ever had a question about what constituted proper behavior in the car, and safe driving, and the great responsibility that came with driving oneself and others, well – after that lecture they figured they had heard it all! 

"Any questions?" John asked at the end of it. "Still wondering what you did wrong?" he asked Jeff.

Both boys shook their heads, and Jeff said, "No, sir. I wasn't being careful."

"And you," John said, rounding on Ramsey. "What was the idea of throwing chips in the front seat? Distracting him?"

"I'm sorry," Ramsey whimpered.  

"I'm disappointed with you both," John said quietly. "When we get to the hotel tonight, you're both getting spanked."

"Shall I drive?" Brad offered. John was still kind of upset, and Brad thought it might be better if he took the wheel. He was relieved when John nodded. Plus, he knew that by taking the boys' licenses away, John had just consigned himself to being the sole driver on the way home, so a break from driving now might be appreciated. 

John waited for the boys to get in the backseat. They didn't want to. John was standing by the door and they knew they were likely to get swatted on their way in. "Get in," he finally said, tired of waiting for them as they shifted their feet darting unhappy looks at him. Jeff went for it first, and wasn't at all surprised when he felt a hard swat as he bent over to get in the car. Ramsey expected the same, and so was slightly surprised when John took hold of him as he tried to slip past him, tucked him under his arm, and gave him four hard swats before releasing him. 

The family was quiet the rest of the drive to the hotel in Dubois. Brad drove, switching the radio to a talk station and leaving it there the rest of the way. When they started out he wondered which would be worse – traveling the rest of the afternoon with two boys who had recently been spanked, or with two boys who were still awaiting punishment. By the time they pulled into the motel parking lot, Brad decided it was the latter. Neither Jeff nor Ramsey said a word the rest of the trip, sitting low in their seats, looking out the windows or unsuccessfully trying to read. Brad thought John regretted making the boys wait too. Normally they were a happy talkative family, and the strain of the afternoon was getting to all of them. 

Brad parked, and John went into the little office to pay for the room. Jeff and Ramsey got out of the car and moped around until John got back with the key. There was a McDonald's next to the motel, and John nodded at it. "Let's eat first." No one asked what 'first' meant. It was a quiet dinner, and when it was over, John ordered Jeff and Ramsey back to the room. "I'm going to take a walk," he said by way of explanation. He took off for a nearby strip mall, and Brad accompanied the boys back to their room. 

John had spent the afternoon thinking about Jeff and Ramsey. Wondering what had come over them, and how he was going to punish them. A spanking, no doubt – they had more than earned it – but how? He had promised them both that he would never use a belt on them. He didn't regret that promise, knowing the dread of being punished with a belt would be too much for Ramsey. He had also told Ramsey no hairbrush for him again, and so far he had kept to that. In all practicality it had meant no hairbrush for Jeff either. During the past year the younger boys got into trouble together more often than separately, and it hadn't seemed fair to give Jeff the hairbrush while Ramsey just got spanked by hand. Still, they were getting older. They were 15 now! John would have had no problem punishing the older boys with a hairbrush or belt at that age. James had unwisely pointed that out once, mid-spanking with the hairbrush, and John's response had been to finish with the brush and give him a few extra by hand at the end. 

The boys could have caused an accident, and John felt the matter warranted more than just a few swats with his hand. He had left his slippers at home. What to do? He wandered into the small grocery store anchoring the little strip mall and looked around. He almost bought more chips, since the previous bag had been ruined, but decided they could all do without. He walked down one aisle with kitchen utensils, and stopped when he saw the wooden spoons. Picking one up, he experimentally slapped it against the palm of his left hand and winced. He still wasn't that fond of wooden spoons. Then he spied something else and set the spoon down.

Half an hour later John was back at the motel room. Brad opened the door at his knock and looked curiously at the paper bag his father held. So did Jeff and Ramsey, who were each sitting on one of the beds. The TV was on, but the reception was poor and no one was really watching.

"I'll take a walk," Brad said, not wanting to be around for the evening's next activity. 

John nodded him out the door, and looking at the younger boys, asked, "Why aren't you in your pajamas?"

"We thought maybe you'd change your mind," Ramsey said bravely.

"Why would I do that?" John asked, almost amused.

"Because taking away our licenses was punishment enough," Jeff said.

"Maybe for you, not for Ramsey." Jeff's eyes lit up at the thought that maybe, just maybe, he would escape further punishment. John saw, and continued, "Because I know losing his license isn't all that important to Ramsey."

Still seeing the possibility that maybe his behind wouldn't end up blistered, Jeff sadly nodded. "Yeah, it's awful hard for me."

John had cooled off a lot over the course of the afternoon and evening, and seeing Jeff trying to weasel out of his punishment almost made him smile. "Behave the rest of the trip, and maybe you'll get your license back when we get home." Jeff's smile at this news faded when John added, "But you're still getting spanked." John sat down on the bed beside Jeff. "Jeff, you seemed to be seeking out every possible distraction while you were driving today. Can you imagine Brian acting like you did?" 

Jeff tried to picture Cutter fussing over the radio and the chips and everything else, and finally shook his head.

"Not to mention, when I tell you to do something when you're driving, you're to obey me right away. You don't sit there arguing. You aren't allowed to disobey me, and that's even more important when we're in the car. Having an accident is one thing – accidents happen. But allowing yourself to get all distracted like that and then arguing with me about it, that's almost inviting something to happen. Understand?" John waited for Jeff's nod before turning to his other son. "And Ramsey, I'm still trying to figure out what was going through your head today. Throwing chips in the car? That's not like you, and you know I wanted Jeff to concentrate on his driving."

"I'm sorry," Ramsey said. "I was just- I don't know." He shrugged, knowing John didn't like it when he did that, but not knowing how to explain his earlier feelings. 

John contemplated his blonde son. Neither of them mentioned how much trouble Ramsey would have been in if he'd behaved that way with Carl in the car. After a lifetime of moving around, spending countless hours in a vehicle, John knew Ramsey knew better than to behave as he had. John wondered if the boy was thinking of that at all, or if his life with Carl was safely in the past. He wasn't going to bring it up if Ramsey didn't. 

"Alright," he finally said. "Pajamas on, then one of you go wait in the bathroom."

Both boys dragged their feet changing, neither of them wanting to be the first to change, somehow thinking being the first done would have to go wait in the bathroom. Neither of them wanted to be the first punished, but neither of them wanted to wait, either. John wasn't in any particular hurry, but after watching this slow-motion behavior finally said, "Ramsey, go finish in the bathroom. Jeff will be first."

Ramsey pouted while Jeff's eyes widened. Suddenly they wanted to change places. John nodded towards the bathroom, and the older of the two kids made his reluctant way in. Having the order decided for him, Jeff quickly pulled on his pajama pants and finished buttoning his pajama top, wanting as little bare skin as possible when he met his fate. 

John patted his lap and Jeff came to stand beside him. "What's in the bag?" Jeff asked, looking at the bag all crumpled at John's side. John glanced at Jeff, then reached for the bag. He picked it up and shoved the sides down, revealing a wooden implement. "What is it?"

John picked the item up and held it for Jeff to see. It was flat and about a quarter of an inch thick. About an inch wide at the narrow end, gracefully widening to about four inches at the other end. 

"What is it?" Jeff repeated, cocking his head trying to figure out the strange item. "Is it a paddle?"

"No. It's a serving... spoon... for salad."

"It doesn't look like a spoon. It's all flat at the end."

"It doesn't, does it? It's only half of a set. It comes with another one that looks more like a fork, but I didn't bother buying that one." John smirked. 

"Oh. I bet it hurts," Jeff said softly.

"I bet it does," John agreed. He knew for a fact it hurt – like the wooden spoon, he had experimentally smacked it against one hand in the store. "Come on, let's get this over with." He waited for his little brother to lower himself across his lap, having insisted over the last year that the boy should be able to do that himself rather than wait for John to put him in place for his punishment.

Jeff nodded and shuffled closer, but at the last moment he whimpered and stayed in place. John decided to help this time, and upended the boy over his lap, pulling his pajamas and underwear down when he was in place. "Why are we here?" he asked, the salad server poised in the air ready for action.

"Because I didn't take driving seriously," Jeff mumbled to the floor. 

John thought that was a pretty good explanation, and without further comment he proceeded to spank his little brother. Despite his desire to use an implement to make it more memorable than a regular spanking by hand, he knew the serving piece packed quite a sting, so he tempered his whacks. Not that anyone would be able to tell by Jeff's reaction! No, the boy wailed and cried and yelped with each swat, and by the tenth his legs were flying up, and John had to order him to remain still. Jeff tried, but the unfamiliar thing making contact with his behind  _hurt_! John finished the fifteenth swat and set the flat spoon down. He gently pulled Jeff's underwear and pants back up over his reddened bottom, and stood the boy up between his legs and hugged him. Jeff put his arms around John and cried on his shoulder.  

When Jeff's crying lessened to sniffles, John patted him on the back. "Why don't you wash your face now, and send Ramsey out?"

Jeff dutifully went off to the bathroom and changed places with Ramsey. Ramsey made his way closer to John, eyes going immediately to the torture device at the man's side. He had heard the fearsome whacks from inside the little room. 

John patted his lap, and Ramsey came to his side. Before the boy lay across his knees, however, John gently pulled him down to sit on one leg. Ramsey looked at his dad, wondering. "That wasn't like you today," he said, putting one arm around the boy. Ramsey liked to have fun, but he was usually far more responsible and cautious when it came to potentially dangerous things. "Can you tell me what you were thinking?"

Ramsey started to shrug, stopping when he felt John's arm tighten slightly around his waist. "I was just- having fun."

"That's not usually your type of fun."

"No, but... Idaho Falls..." Ramsey said faintly. "I'm scared. It might be really good or maybe really bad. And then Brad leaves. So today I just didn't want to think about it. And just... have fun."

"I see," John said, wondering if it was too soon to go to Idaho Falls.

"I don't think I'll remember anything." Ramsey looked at John, eyes bright with unshed tears. "Brad might. If he does-" Ramsey choked up "-I hope... I hope it's good memories."

Now John definitely thought it was too soon. Both boys had been excited at the prospect of going to their old neighborhood and finding out more about their parents, but after the initial excitement, Ramsey must be having second thoughts.

"Do you want to go home?" John asked.

Ramsey shook his head. "Brad wants to see. And besides, he's flying out of Idaho."

"I can call home. Eddie or someone can pick you up. Or we'll turn around and go home."

"N-no, that's not fair to Jeff or Brad." Ramsey leaned into John, tears rolling down his cheeks. "And I want to go, I'm just kind of scared."

"Okay," John said, slowly rocking the boy, feeling like a jerk for taking the boy on this trip and for having to spank him in a few minutes. "Well, we'll be there together. Brad and Jeff and I – we're all going together, you don’t have to do this on your own. Just let us know if it gets to be too much, alright?"

Ramsey nodded and brushed at his cheek. "I'll be okay. I do want to go."

"Okay. You still behaved abominably today, didn't you, rugrat?"

Ramsey looked into his dad's warm eyes and nodded again. "I'm sorry."

John patted his left knee, and Ramsey got off his right leg and maneuvered so he was laying across both knees. John lowered the boy's clothes just as he had Jeff's, and spanked him. He used the salad spoon, but tempered the swats even more than he did for the earlier spanking. Ramsey's behind was still red at the end of it, and when it was over he stayed across John's lap, exhausted from all the emotions of the day, especially the long hours of dread waiting for his punishment to finally happen. After half a minute John stood him up and hugged him, then called for Jeff. The youngest boy emerged from the bathroom, still teary, and joined the other two. By now they were well-accustomed to sharing cuddle time. John sat back against the headboard and soon had a boy on either side of him. They both laid on their sides, their backsides smarting too much to lay on their backs yet. 

When Brad returned about fifteen minutes later, quietly unlocking the door and letting himself in, it was to a quiet scene. He kicked off his shoes and stood looking at them, returning John's slight smile. "Don't I get one?" he asked, looking from Jeff to Ramsey, offering comfort to one of them.

"You want a spanking too?" Jeff managed to joke.

"He's crazy," Ramsey confirmed.

Brad rolled his eyes and plumped a pillow against the headboard of the second bed, laying back against it. Looking over at the others, he mock grumped, "That's okay. Just call me chopped liver." He was gratified to see both Jeff and Ramsey start up, then Ramsey laid back down next to John with a smile, letting Jeff 'borrow' Brad this time. 

The four quietly watched TV the rest of the evening, the two youngest drifting off to sleep safe in the arms of John and Brad. As he turned off the light, John hoped the next day of sightseeing at Yellowstone would be uneventful, and that the trip to Idaho Falls wasn't altogether a huge mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, basically a long chapter to justify the last tag :)
> 
> Soon the family will be in Idaho Falls and we'll be back to fluffy stuff. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and Happy New Year!


	3. National Parks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family hits the national parks on their way to Idaho Falls.

**Day Two**

John was the first to wake the next morning. He got out of bed, careful not to disturb Ramsey, who had fallen asleep next to him. He showered quickly then waited for Brad, who was the next awake, to do the same. He wanted to turn the TV on to catch the morning news, but didn't want to wake Jeff and Ramsey until he had to. So he sat in the armchair by the little table and for want of anything better to do, he watched the two youngest boys. Had he come down too hard the day before? It had been a harsh spanking. Not the worst either boy had ever received, but nothing to sneeze at either. Jeff had one hand thrown over his head and was softly snoring. Ramsey lay on one side facing John, the bedspread tucked up under his chin. Both seemed so young and innocent, making John feel even worse for taking a salad serving spoon to their behinds. Then John imagined them on a joyride with their new licenses, laughing and horsing around and driving off the road or hitting another car because they weren't taking it seriously. Yes, better to nip that behavior in the bud before something worse happened to them.

Suddenly John noticed a pair of glittering eyes on him, which quickly closed when they realized they had been spotted. Silently he crept over to the bed then reached out to pull the covers back far enough to tickle the blonde teen. Ramsey giggled, opening his eyes and pulling the covers over himself to escape. 

"Good morning, imp," John said fondly, stopping the tickling and letting one hand rest briefly on his son's hair.

"Good morning, Daddy," the imp replied, eyes once again glittering.

They both turned, hearing a rustle from the other bed. "Morning, kiddo," John said.

"Morning, Dad," the kiddo replied.

Brad emerged from the bathroom, toweling his hair dry. John glanced over. "Want to get breakfast with me?"

"I want breakfast," Jeff said, sitting up and stretching.

"We'll bring something back," John said. "You and Ramsey get ready, okay?"

Jeff and Ramsey took turns showering while John and Brad fetched breakfast from McDonald's, then all four ate sitting on the beds. Halfway through, Jeff asked, "Are we still going to Yellowstone?"

Surprised by the question, John said, "Sure, why wouldn't we?"

"You know... yesterday."

"Yesterday was yesterday. Today is a new day," John assured his family.

"Great!" Jeff replied with a grin which was shared by the others. 

Soon they were done eating, and quickly loaded the car with their bags. Hand on the driver's side door, John suddenly remembered an item that he didn't remember packing in his little suitcase. "Hang on," he said to the other three who were already sitting in the Impala. 

Jeff and Ramsey exchanged slightly worried glances. Unbuckling his seatbelt, Ramsey got out and followed his dad back into the room. John smiled at the teen then started looking around. While he was searching, he decided to check in with his son and see if he still seemed worried about what they might find at their destination. Ramsey had seemed his normal self all morning, but John knew his emotional state was usually tenuous, and that it didn't take much for him to swing between happy and sad or overwhelmed. "Doing okay this morning?"

"Hmm?" Ramsey responded distractedly. John took note and looked back at him. "Oh yeah, I'm fine." He smiled a little, but to John it looked a little worried. "Whatcha looking for?" Ramsey asked, trying not to appear as if he already knew.

"The new spoon." John looked on the nightstand, trying to remember where he had placed the item following the spankings the night before. Strange that he hadn't already noticed it when he was packing.

"Oh... we don't need that anymore, do we?" Ramsey asked softly.

"I hope not, rugrat," John said, smiling gently at the boy. "It wasn't too bad, was it? I thought you handled it well."

Ramsey smiled a little, not sure if he liked being complimented on something he would rather have done without! "It wasn't too bad," he agreed. Not as awful as the hairbrush, anyway.

John looked here and there, and finally said, "Where could it be? Help me look."

Ramsey grinned. "Seriously?"

John paused to look at his son. "Yeah, I guess that's kind of a stretch. But I wonder where it got to..." His voice drifted off as he gazed around the room, stopping when he noticed Ramsey's smile, which was now more of a knowing smirk. Too knowing. Hit with a sudden suspicion, he went to the small wastebasket next to the little desk where all of the crumpled McDonald's bags were. Gesturing at it, he asked, "Am I going to find it in here?"

"Um... I dunno, Daddy, are you?" Two blue eyes trying for innocence looked up at him.

John crossed his arms and waited. After about 30 seconds the boy huffed, got up and crossed to the little trash bin, eyes on John the whole way. He crouched down and rummaged through it a second before grasping something. He started pulling it out, then said, "It's an awful thing, John. You don't need it."

John snapped his fingers and held his hand out for the serving spoon. "I don't know about that. It came in pretty handy last night."

Ramsey pouted and gave over the spoon, only then seeming to realize the precariousness of his position. He stood up and looked over at the door, wondering how he was going to make it the distance without getting swatted with the spoon he had just given up. Going for an innocent look again, even though the game was up, he said, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are. C'mon, rugrat." John smiled and Ramsey hugged him, thinking he was safe. The two walked to the door, and John helped the boy through with a light swat to the behind with his hand.

"Sorry," Ramsey said, laughing and running ahead to the car.

**..»º*º«..**

Dubois, Wyoming was on the edge of the mountains, and the family no sooner set out than they were in the midst of forests. The Shoshone National Forest, the Bridger-Teton National Forest, then the Grand Teton National Park. John parked at one of the visitor centers, and they all piled out of the car. "Don't wander off and meet back here in an hour!" John called after Jeff and Ramsey, who were already running away, glad to be out of the car.

"Wow, that's beautiful," Brad said, after he and John had walked to the edge of Taggart Lake and stood looking up at the majestic Tetons. 

"Sure is," John agreed, pulling out his little camera. He snapped a photo of Brad framed against the scenery. Brad smiled and went along with it. John had been taking photos of him and Ramsey and the others at every opportunity, and already had a new family photo album started. "Got to document your hair before it's gone," John quipped, snapping again and catching the moment his son's smile turned to a frown at the thought.

"Man, why do they have to take my hair? I think that's the only bad thing about joining up." Brad ran his hand through his long wavy hair in frustration. It was just past his shoulders now. 

John grinned. Brad's hair was too long in his opinion, but he had let the young man do as he liked with it, figuring he was old enough to decide that for himself. Ramsey and Cutter griped about the unfairness whenever John hauled them off to get their own messy hair cut, but John always just shrugged and said when they were older and joining up, they could do as they liked as well. Not that John let Brad do whatever he wished, even after turning 19 a few months back. No, Brad was still subject to the family rules, just like Eddie had been before him. Just like John himself still was – the young family patriarch smiled at the thought. He didn't expect anything from the kids that he wasn't willing to do himself.

"I hope you like it," he said. "The Marines," he clarified, in case Brad thought he meant getting his hair shaved off.

"Me too. I think I will."

"Just cos you're going away... you know you're always welcome at home. Doesn't matter how old you are, you can always come home."

"I know. Thanks, John." Then noticing all the other tourists around, Brad grinned and said, "Thanks, Dad." That term got some looks in their direction. Brad had discovered he enjoyed making people wonder why an older teen was calling a man in his mid-20s 'dad'.

John too noticed all the looks. "You're grounded, son."

Brad laughed and John, with a good-natured glare, joined in.

**..»º*º«..**

"Come on up! The view is so much better from up here!"

Ramsey stood at the bottom of a tall tree looking up at his younger brother. Jeff was currently sitting on a large branch, having climbed it as soon as the boys ditched the main tourist areas and trails to forge their own path. 

"Nope!" Ramsey called up. 

"Come on, you can do it! There's lots of branches in this balsam poplar!"

Ramsey smirked at Jeff's showing off his knowledge of the type of tree. Ever since his tree project at school, he had been pointing them out whenever he had a chance. "No!"

"Oh, don't be boring. Please?" Jeff leaned down on the branch, looking imploringly at the slightly older boy.

Against his better judgment, Ramsey said, "Okay, hang on." Clapping one hand against the tree, he looked upwards and started climbing.

**..»º*º«..**

"It's only been-" Brad looked at his watch. "-two hours," he finished quietly, realizing that the boys were a full hour late and maybe John's anxiety was justified. "I'm sure they're okay."

Halting his pacing, John said, "I'm going back to check at the visitor center. You wait here in case they show up."

Both young men were having flashbacks to the camping trip the previous summer when the boys had gotten lost in the woods with Jenny. Brad remembered how worried he had been when the kids hadn't returned to camp after their hike, and how he had kept imagining the worst as they were hunting for them. He didn't want to wait idly by the car. He would just get more and more worried as the minutes went by. One look at John, though, and he decided just to nod and keep quiet. John was in full-on worried dad mode, the one that didn't tolerate disagreement or arguing. 

"I won't go anywhere but the visitor center without notifying you," John said.

"Yessir, I'll be here," Brad said, sitting on the trunk of the Impala to wait.

It was about a ten-minute walk back to the visitor center, and John walked it quickly, watching for the boys the whole way. When there wasn't any sign of them inside either, he knocked on an office door with a Park Ranger sign on it. "Come in," said a calm voice from inside.

John opened the door. "Hi, I'm not sure what the procedure is, but my sons were supposed to meet me at the car over an hour ago, and they're missing."

The ranger examined John with a less-than-pleased look. "How old are they?" 

Realizing the ranger probably thought John had turned two little boys loose on their own, he hastened to say, "They're not little kids. They're both 15." Now the ranger gave John a figuring-out look, wondering how he had two 15 year-olds when he only appeared to be in his mid-20s. Sighing, annoyed, John further explained, "They're adopted. One is my brother. Anyway, they're missing."

"Fifteen, huh?" The ranger stood up with a smile, reaching for his hand-held radio. "I think we have your kids."

"You have them?" John felt faint with relief. Then worry, wondering what the boys had done. Now he was having flashbacks to the boys' behavior in the butterfly center in Sioux Falls when they had stolen a variety of rare leaves.

The ranger clicked his Motorola radio and gestured for John to follow him out of the office. "You still got those two kids?"

A few seconds later the reply came in the affirmative. 

"Bring them to the visitor center. Their father is waiting for them."

As soon as the man stuck the radio in his pocket, John asked, "Where are they?"

"They're okay. They're at a ranger station not too far away. They'll be here soon."

"Did they, um, do something?"

The ranger smiled. "They aren't in trouble with us. Whether they are with you, well, we'll let you decide that."

John was getting frustrated at the vague answers, but finding out the boys were safe, he decided he could wait and hear the story from them. The two men waited outside for about five minutes, then John spied a tan jeep with the National Park Service emblem on the side pulling up. Jeff was in the front seat, talking a mile a minute to the ranger who was driving, while Ramsey was in the rear. The jeep stopped in front of John and all three got out.

"Hi Dad!" Jeff said happily, waving even though John was only about ten feet away. "This is Ranger Tom, and he showed us all around the ranger station!"

"Hi Daddy," Ramsey said shyly, hanging back a little.

"Come here," John said. When he had two boys in his arms, he asked, "Are you both okay?"

"Sure!" Jeff said.

"Yes," Ramsey said, his voice muffled by John's shirt.

"Thanks, Tom," the visitor center ranger said, and the other one got back in his jeep.

"Bye!" Jeff called after him.

"Thanks! Bye!" Ramsey said.

"Well, I'll let you folks get on with your day," the ranger said, smiling at John still holding on to the two teens.

"Thanks," John said. Once they were alone (discounting all the curious fellow tourists), he started walking them back to the car.

"He has the neatest job, John!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Oh yeah? How so?"

"He gets to man the ranger station and watch for fires, and rescue kids from trees, and climb up high, and be outdoors all day!"

"He does, huh?" John asked, his mind zeroing in on the 'rescue kids from trees' part. "And how do you know all that?"

"Cos after he got Ramsey down out of the tree, he took us back to the ranger station and got us water and cookies, and showed us all around. It was neat!" Jeff's eyes were sparkling with happiness as they walked through the parking lot. 

Ramsey was looking down. John, who still had an arm around each of them, pulled him a little closer. "Did you get stuck in a tree, Ramsey?" he asked gently.

Ramsey nodded, embarrassed. "I didn't mean to."

"I'm sure you didn't. No one would deliberately try to do that."

Brad, seeing them at a distance, had walked up to meet them. "Where were you guys?" he asked, careful to keep his voice level and not angry. He was going to take his cues from John as to whether the boys were in trouble or not.

Ramsey caught him in a hug. "I hate trees!"

Jeff suddenly seemed to realize that Ramsey hadn't had quite the same fun experience that he had. "It was a great view, though, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Ramsey grudgingly admitted with a small smile. "Climbing up was fun, and the view of the Tetons was fantastic, but then I looked down. Never again!"

"I'm glad to hear that," John said. "You and heights don't seem to be friends."

"At least I didn't break anything!"

"There's that," John agreed.

"Are we in trouble?" Jeff asked.

"Tell us what happened first."

Jeff told the story, of how Ramsey followed him up the tree, then got scared to get down. After his own efforts to get his brother down proved fruitless, Jeff had gone off for help, fortunately stumbling across the ranger station. The ranger had climbed up with some ropes, and had helped Ramsey get down.

"So," John said, recapping the adventure. "You boys went off the paths out on your own, without letting anyone know where you were. Climbed a tree you probably weren't supposed to. Interrupted the park ranger's work so he had to come rescue you. Didn't return to the car on time and made your brother and I worry. Anything else?"

"Ate cookies before lunch," Brad joked, his grin faltering a little at the resulting look John tossed his way.

"That's it," Ramsey said in a small voice. They were at the car now, and he knew the serving spoon was in the back seat. He tried not to look over at it, not wanting to give John any ideas.

John crossed his arms, looking at the two now quiet boys standing in front of him. "Well, trees are for climbing. I'm proud of you for trying it, Ramsey. Jeff, I'm proud of you for going off and getting help. And not getting lost." The two kids breathed a little easier at this praise. "And rescuing people is the ranger's job, or part of it. So, the only thing I can come up with is not telling anyone where you were going, and being late to meet us. What do you think, Brad? Do they need a spanking for that?"

Brad, startled to be consulted, wondered whether to answer the question in a serious way. But given his earlier jest he decided John might be expecting the same now. Putting on a stern look he crossed his own arms and looked at the hopeful younger boys. "Oh, definitely. They have to learn their lesson. Want me to get that serving spoon?" He had to hide his grin at the sudden crestfallen faces before him, then discovered he couldn't. "Oh, you turkeys. If it's up to me you don't need a spanking. Maybe just a swat each." Looking at John he asked, "Just a swat?"

"Sounds reasonable to me," John replied. Jeff and Ramsey obediently turned, each receiving a single hard swat on the behind followed by a hug. "I'm glad you're both safe."

"Sorry to make you worry," Ramsey said, heading for the back seat of the car.

"And stay out of trees, Ramsey!" Brad chided.

**..»º*º«..**

After a quick lunch John drove them to Yellowstone National Park. This time as they parked the car, he grabbed Jeff by the t-shirt before he could run away. "Let's stick together this time."

For the next few hours the four walked along the trails and boardwalks looking at the geysers and other scenery. John took several photos of the boys and posed with them when another tourist offered to snap a few of the family. 

Jeff also took a lot of photos with the SLR camera. His interest in photography had renewed as Grace spent more and more time with the family. John worried at first that his youngest brother was pestering her with too many questions, but quickly realized that she didn't mind answering them. One time when John visited her in Rapid City, she had sent a few of her books about lighting and composition home with him for Jeff to read. Jeff had attacked the books and wanted to return with John on his next visit to discuss them with her. John had drawn the line at that. He loved having Grace in his home interacting with his brothers. They all got along really well, and it gave her a glimpse into their life. But John also wanted time alone with the young woman, and decided his little brothers didn't need to come along when he went to visit her at her home in Rapid City. Her little apartment in Rapid wasn't going to be home for her much longer, anyway. 

Thoughts of Grace were never far from John's mind. He watched Jeff and Ramsey larking around, with Brad keeping an eye on them to be sure they didn't fall off the boardwalk and into a geyser. Next time he went on a family vacation, Grace would be there too. Smiling at the thought, he felt a slight breeze which brought him back to the present. He glanced at his watch.

"We should get going," he said. The boys followed him to the car without any fuss, and they proceeded with the drive to Idaho Falls. 

It was early evening when John pulled into a rest stop about twenty miles outside of their destination. "Why are we stopping?" Jeff asked, leaning forward against the back of the seat. 

"Cos we know you can't hold it," Brad said, making them all laugh. 

"Might as well hit the restroom," John said. "It'll take a while to find a hotel and get checked in." He had another motive for stopping too, but that could wait.

The boys clambered out of the car and went they had all finished in the restroom, John casually tossed the car keys to Brad. "Why don't you drive us the rest of the way."

Brad caught the keys, looking at John as he did, trying to read his thoughts. It was only a few more miles – why didn't John just drive the rest of the way? He knew his dad, though, and that he rarely did things without reason or forethought. "Okay," he said, getting in the driver's seat. 

Everyone was quiet as they drove the rest of the way into Idaho Falls. It was too dark to read in the car, so both younger boys contented themselves watching out the windows. As Brad drove, he too watched. He didn't expect to remember anything, at least not this far outside of town. As they drew near the outskirts of the city, however, the very air seemed to change, the scent taking him back to when he was very little. The patches of farmland, the mountains in the rearview mirror, the trees and shrubs and lights of the city – it all took him back. He felt curiosity and excitement and apprehension too. When he'd left Idaho Falls at the age of 7, it had been in the back seat of the Mustang, Ramsey beside him, Carl in the front seat next to their grandfather who was upset at the loss of his son and angry at the imposition that taking his grandchildren was sure to be. The two little boys had clutched each other as they were driven off to an unknown destination and an uncertain future. Brad didn't notice he was trembling slightly until John reached over to gently squeeze the back of his neck. Feeling the caress from his dad's warm hand, he felt himself relax. He was nothing like the little boy he had been; his future was bright, and now, in the present, he was happy and secure with his family around him. Brad smiled at John, then turned to flash a grin at Ramsey, who returned it, and drove them into town.

**..»º*º«..** **..»º*º«..** **..»º*º«..**  

Up next - the family starts exploring in Idaho Falls, learning about their parents and previous family life. 

Thanks for reading! 


	4. I knew I got it from somewhere!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Loftons make their first stop on their trip back in time.

**Day Three**

On the first morning in Idaho Falls, the Loftons took a break from McDonald's and went to IHOP for breakfast. It was partly because they were tired of fast food, and partly because John wanted to slow things down. Brad woke up jittery while Ramsey was quiet and distracted, and John thought maybe a leisurely breakfast would put them more at ease. It seemed to work. By the time Jeff swiped the last bit of boysenberry syrup with his last bite of pancake, they were all relaxed and chatting happily. 

"So, where are we going first?" Brad asked as they made their way to the car. 

"The high school," John replied. 

It was only a matter of minutes to drive to the high school, and since it was summer John was able to park in one of the closest spots. There were only three other cars in the lot.  

"Are they going to let us in?" Ramsey asked, taking note of the darkened entryway. 

"We're expected," John said with a smile.  

Sure enough, just as they walked up to the front double doors, a woman approached from inside. Smiling at the family, she opened one door and asked, "John Lofton?" 

John stepped forward and held the door open. "Yes. Linda?" As soon as they were all inside, he shook hands with the attractive woman in her mid-30s, and introduced the three boys.  

"The library is right this way," she said, heading down one hallway. 

Trailing behind John, who had an arm around Ramsey's shoulders, Brad exchanged grins with Jeff and mouthed, "Figures!" It seemed John would search out a library anywhere! 

Ramsey looked around curiously at the school. It was larger than Jackson High School, but was probably built around the same time, having the same brick exterior and U shape. The lockers looked new, but the walls were devoid of the posters that might typically adorn them during the school year. He tried to imagine his parents walking through the halls, holding hands maybe, but since he didn't remember what they looked like, he had a hard time doing it. Did they even know each other in high school? Did his dad even go to that high school? His grandfather lived in a different small town an hour or two away – where did his dad grow up? He started feeling anxious having all of these questions bubble up inside. He'd spent his lifetime trying not to wonder about his parents too much, since he never thought answers would be forthcoming. Now, maybe, there might be some answers. He walked a little faster. 

In the library, Linda led the little group over to a table with several books laid out on it. "I pulled yearbooks from the years Kathy and Doug attended."  

Brad and Ramsey glanced at each other in surprise. Their birth certificates listed Kathryn and Douglas; hearing 'Kathy' and 'Doug' made them seem younger and more real.  

"Please, sit down." She gestured to the chairs around the table, and they all sat.  

Jeff sat beside Ramsey, scraping his chair so he was right beside the older boy. John smiled at him. When he had first brought up the idea of this trip, Jeff had sought him out privately and, thinking he needed to convince John that he should go, said that he wanted to be there for his brother, and to be happy for him if he needed it. John, who had no thoughts of leaving Jeff at home in the first place, had merely hugged him and said that was very kind of him. Brad sat on Ramsey's other side so they could look at the same book at the same time.  

Smiling at the boys, Linda asked, "Would you like to start with their freshman year? Or senior year and work backwards?" 

"Freshman year," Brad immediately said. Ramsey just nodded in agreement, overwhelmed at the thought of seeing photos of his parents for the very first time. Linda pulled out the earliest of the yearbooks, the 1955  _Eagles' Aerie_  and set it in front of them. Sensing that his little brother just wanted to tag along on this journey for a time, Brad opened the cover.  

"Look at those clothes!" Jeff said, laughing at the mid-50s styles. "The guys are all wearing suits!" 

John, who was born in 1960, didn't think they were odd enough to warrant a comment, but just smiled at his little brother. He was grateful for anything Jeff did to keep the mood light and happy.  

Brad turned the first few pages and they looked at the faculty photos, and the lunchroom staff photos, and the beginning of the club pages. On the page with the Rifle Club and the 4-H Club photos, Ramsey suddenly spoke up. "We might be looking at them and not even know it," he said quietly. "Maybe we can find their pictures first?" 

"Good idea." Brad obligingly turned to the end of the freshman section of the book, seeking out Douglas Wade. "Here he is." 

Brad and Ramsey leaned forward to study their dad's freshman photo. Dark wavy hair, kind eyes, face not yet filled out, but on its way to having a square jaw. It was strange to see the photo of a 14 or 15 year-old and know that it was their father. "He looks like you," Ramsey said. "He has your dark hair." He was a little disappointed to think that he didn't look much like their dad. 

"I think he looks like you too," Brad countered.  

Jeff leaned against Ramsey to get a better look. "He looks like both of you. Like a younger Brad, but he has both your eyes." 

"Hmm... it's hard to tell what color they are," Ramsey said, squinting at the black and white photo. 

"They're light colored," Jeff said. "But I didn't mean that. I mean he looks happy and smart." 

"I'll take that," Brad laughed, and Ramsey flashed a smile. 

"Where's Mom?" 

Brad picked up a page to turn it, then realized he didn't know their mother's maiden name. He looked uncertainly at John, who prompted, "England." 

Brad turned back a few pages, landing on the one with students whose last names started nearer the beginning of the alphabet, and Ramsey's eyes lit up. "That's her!" he said, pointing to a young blonde-haired girl smiling confidently at the camera. She wore a light-colored short-sleeved sweater, and her hair fell just above her shoulders, ending in 1950s curls.  

"She's pretty," Jeff said, who was now sitting on his knees on the chair to see better.  

"She is," Brad said, gazing at her, trying to find the mother he faintly remembered in the smiling face of this young girl. 

"I knew I got it from somewhere!" Ramsey said, tugging on his blonde bangs. Brad nudged him, and he laughed. "Now let's look at all the clubs!" 

The boys turned back to the beginning of the book, and tired of merely looking on, Jeff reached for the 1956 yearbook. John caught his eye and shook his head slightly, and the boy obediently left it for the Wade brothers to look at first. John smiled approvingly, and watched as the boys looked through the yearbook page by page, stopping to read the lists of names next to the photos. Aware that they would be awhile, Linda excused herself and went back to her desk to look through book catalogs. 

"They were really active," Brad commented. "Dad played football and was in the rifle club and Mom was in 4-H and the choir. And Dad was in-" 

"Orchestra!" Ramsey gleefully called out, spying his father with the familiar violin in hand, sitting with the rest of the orchestra. "I'd recognize my violin anywhere!" 

"That could be any violin," Brad teased. "No way you can tell from that photo!" 

Sitting up smugly, Ramsey said, "Nope, that's mine. Ours. Dad's and mine." Brad pulled the happy teen close in a quick hug.  

They spent the next two hours poring over the yearbooks, noting how their parents had changed over the four years of high school. They got a big surprise in the 1958 senior yearbook, finding out that their parents had been members of the prom court.  

"Wow, look at them!" Ramsey said. "She was just so-" he got quiet, his index finger tracing the edge of her ball gown. 

"Beautiful," John put in, still looking at the yearbook upside down. Ramsey nodded. 

"Maybe I should have gone to prom after all," Brad mused. 

"He looks just like you," Jeff said, looking at the 18 year-old in the photo. Doug and Kathy were posed next to the king and queen, another girl and boy on either side of them. The other students were smiling happily at the camera, but Doug and Kathy only had eyes for each other. 

"They both look so happy," Brad said. 

"High school sweethearts, from the look of it," John said, happy for the kids that Doug and Kathy had once been, and happy for the kids sitting in front of him. 

"Can we keep these books?" Ramsey asked, looking to John for permission. 

"I don't think so. They're the school's." 

Ramsey clutched the senior yearbook to his chest looking heartbroken. Tears suddenly forming, he said, "But I just found them. I don't want to forget them again." Glancing over at Linda at the other side of the library, he whispered, "Maybe we can sneak them out." 

John didn't get mad at the suggestion of theft, knowing that wasn't like Ramsey, and that it came from a place of intense longing. "No, rugrat, we're not taking the books. But we can take photos of the pages." 

"Ooh," Jeff sat up. "I'll run out and get the camera!" He ran off to the car, and seeing the group coming to life again, Linda came over, a manila folder in hand.  

"We're going to take some photos of the pages, if that's okay?" John asked her. 

"That's fine. And I went ahead and made photocopies of all the pages where I found them after you called, John. Here you are." She held the envelope out and Brad took it. 

"Thank you," he said, hardly believing someone would do that for them. "Ramsey, you hang on to these, okay?" Ramsey practically jumped on the envelope, hugging it to him, eyes shining. 

"Thanks," John said. "Can I pay you for them?" 

Linda shook her head, seeming suddenly overcome herself at the happiness of the two boys finally seeing pictures of their parents. 

"Thank you," John said. "It's wonderful." 

"I should go open the door for Jeff," Linda said. She headed out, and John accompanied her. A few minutes later the trio returned and Jeff got the camera ready. 

"Do you have color film?" Ramsey asked. 

Jeff shrugged. "Yes, although black and white would be okay too. The books aren't color." 

"Color is nice," Ramsey said softly. He couldn't explain it, but he wanted to capture everything about the yearbooks. The colorful exteriors, the thickness of the pages, everything. Black and white wouldn't do them justice. 

Ramsey and Brad paged through the books and Jeff dutifully took photos everywhere they stopped.  

When they finished, Ramsey closed the final book and asked, "Can we look around the school a little?" 

John looked at Linda, who said, "I don't see why not. Just let me know when you're ready to leave." 

Jeff and Ramsey sprang to their feet, and the four Loftons wandered the halls for a while, imagining Doug and Kathy doing the same. Then Jeff's stomach growled, and they realized it was past lunch time. John didn't want to rush the boys, but asked, "Ready for lunch?" 

Ramsey and Brad nodded, and Ramsey said, "Gosh, this was so nice. I'm so glad we came. Aren't you, Brad?" 

"Yes," Brad said. "I'm glad." He hoped the rest of the trip would be as good. 

 

 **..»º*º«..** **..»º*º«..** **..»º*º«..**  

 

Several more stops await the family on their trip! Thanks for reading! :)


	5. Do you remember?

**Day Three – Afternoon**

After visiting the high school, the Loftons sought out lunch. "What looks good?" John asked as they drove along the main street in town.

"There's a diner," Brad said without much interest, pointing to one side of the road.

"A&W!" Ramsey suddenly exclaimed, seeing the drive-in at the end of the street.

"Everyone okay with that?" John asked.

"Yes!" Jeff said and Brad nodded, and with that, John pulled in to the restaurant.

"I wish Buster John's was a drive-in," Ramsey said after they'd ordered their food. "I love drive-ins."

"Did you used to go to them? Before?" Jeff asked. 'Before' being shorthand for all the years with Carl, before Ramsey and Brad came to live with the Loftons. The Lofton brothers rarely asked questions about that time in the boys' lives, letting the two originate discussions if they wanted. But here in Idaho Falls, where his brothers' lives began, Jeff didn't feel strange asking.

"No," Ramsey said. "We never ate out. But we used to drive past them all the time, and I always thought they looked like so much fun."

"I remember this place," Brad said, looking around. "We used to come here, the whole family."

"Really?" Ramsey asked. "I don't remember it."

"Yeah, Dad always got the Papa Burger, and Mom liked their chicken sandwich, and Carl got chicken strips, and you and I usually got corndogs."

"Wow, how'd you remember that?" Ramsey asked, wondering if some part of him remembered as well, since he had just ordered a corndog.

Brad shrugged. "I don't know, it just came back to me."

"John got the Papa Burger too," Jeff pointed out. "Since he's the Papa." He leaned forward and propped his head on John's shoulder, and grinned when John reached back to caress his hair.

**..»º*º«..**

"Where are we going next?" Ramsey asked when they were nearly done eating.

"Well, there are several possibilities," John began. "There's your old house, the courthouse, the cemetery, the grade school." He shrugged. "We can just drive around town for a while if you want, and see if you both remember anything." He deliberately sandwiched mention of the cemetery between other things of possible interest, to see if Ramsey or Brad wanted to go.

"What's at the courthouse?" Jeff asked.

"Marriage certificate, at least if they were married in Idaho Falls."

Ramsey and Brad considered their options, then Ramsey quietly said, "I want to go to the cemetery, but not yet. Not today."

"We don't have to go today," John said, glancing at Brad to get his reaction, and saw the older teen nod in agreement.

"How about the grade school?" Brad suggested. "I went to kindergarten and part of first grade. Maybe I'll remember it."

John returned his eyes to Ramsey, whose turn it was to nod.

"Maybe I'll remember it too," Ramsey said.

"But you never went, did you?" Jeff asked. "You were too little."

"Did you go to preschool?" John asked.

Ramsey shook his head. "I don't think so, but I figure I might have gone with Mom or Dad to drop Brad or Carl off sometimes."

"Okay, the grade school it is," John said, and started up the car.

Ramsey, always the self-designated map-wielder, had already located the grade school on the map of Idaho Falls that John had acquired from AAA. He pointed it out to John, and a few minutes later they were pulling up to the nearly deserted school building.

"Got your camera?" John asked, and Jeff nodded and patted the SLR which was in its case slung over one shoulder.

"Are they expecting us?" Ramsey asked as the four walked up.

"Not like at the high school," John replied. "But kind of."

"What's that mean?" the youngest boy asked.

John smiled and pulled open the door. "You'll see."

Just like at the high school, the hallways at the grade school were darkened, but the office lights were on, and John led the boys that direction.

"Are we going to the library?" Brad asked, exchanging a grin with Jeff behind John's back.

John caught the grins in the glass of a doorway they were passing, but just said, "Not now." Looking back to smile at the boys he said, "Maybe later. Hard to pass up a good library!"

They went into the school office which was empty except for a woman behind a counter, and a man and a woman in their individual offices nearby. John introduced himself to the receptionist. She stood and the two shook hands. "Mr. Lofton, right this way." She led John and the curious trio trailing him into a small conference room. Picking up a folder, she said, "I found the class photos for the years you requested. I'll leave you all to look them over." She smiled and left, closing but not latching the door behind her.

Ramsey immediately tackled the folder. "Lots of pictures in here," he said, slightly confused. Brad might possibly be in two class photos, but there were at least half a dozen in the stack inside the folder.

Brad reached for them. "My pictures." Ramsey stuck his tongue out at his older brother, but let him take the lead while Jeff readied the camera. John sat back awaiting their reaction. Ramsey sat right beside Brad, making sure he got a good view as he held up the first photo. It was a group of 18 small children sitting on steps with a smiling woman seated to one side. A small black plaque on the center step displayed "Mrs. Chen, Kindergarten, 1972-73". The brothers raced through the little faces, zeroing in on one little boy in the second row.

"Aww, you were so cute!" Ramsey said. "Your hair was almost as long as it is now!"

"And messy!" Jeff put in, leaning on them both to look over their shoulders.

Brad reddened a little at being called 'cute' though secretly he thought he had been a rather cute 5 year-old. His little self was sitting up while others around him slouched, a friendly look on his face. He remembered that picture day, which happened not too long after the school year had begun. He had been so excited to go to school like his big brother Carl. Carl loved it so much, and he was so happy to be going too! He knew school was important – he saw Carl always working on projects – and he wanted his parents to be as happy with him as they were with Carl. Brad smiled a little at the memory. Looking back, he knew his parents had loved him to pieces whether he took to education like his older brother had or not.

Brad picked up the next photo. Very similar, but the same children were now a year older and the sign read, "Ms. Lincoln, 1st Grade, 1973-74". Brad sat in the front row this time, more relaxed than the previous year, a big smile on his face. He looked at the other children trying to remember them. A couple of the kids looked familiar, especially one boy. Todd? Tom? Something like that. They had been friends, but Brad hadn't finished out the school year and he could barely remember him.

"Still cute," John commented, looking at the photo from the side. He meant the first grade photo, but when Brad glanced over at him, he grinned. "And still cute."

"John," Brad lightly protested, embarrassed. He grinned and set the photo to the side next to the first one, in place for Jeff to snap pictures.

Ramsey and Brad stared at the third photo for a second before they realized what it was. "Mrs. Chen, Kindergarten, 1964-65".

"Carl's class," Ramsey said quietly. It only took them a moment to find their older brother sitting cross-legged in the first row. A carefree, smiling, dark-haired 5 year-old sitting next to a curly-haired little girl who was leaning towards him as if to whisper in his ear.

"Wow," Brad said. He should have expected photos of Carl, and the fact that he had so successfully shoved most thoughts of his brother from his mind left him feeling unsettled and bad. Carl had been in 8th grade, his last year at the school, when Brad was in kindergarten. Kindergarten was only in the mornings and in a separate wing from the older grades, so he didn't remember being at school with the older boy, though he thought they walked to school together every morning. "He looks happy."

"Yeah," Ramsey and Jeff both agreed at the same time.

After perusing the photo in silence for another minute, Brad set it close to the other ones. Jeff gave John a questioning look, wondering if he should get a photo of it, and his older brother nodded. Jeff snapped away.

Ramsey picked up the next photo, a first grade one. This time Carl was in the middle row, the same little girl next to him. Both were caught in the middle of a laugh.

Second grade, and this time the girl was smiling at the camera, oblivious to the rabbit ears Carl was giving her behind her back. Third grade, and they were cross-legged in the front row again, sitting closely beside each other but looking straight at the camera keeping their hands to themselves. Looking on, John suspected Carl might have been told to behave that year, after the silliness of the second grade picture. The class photos continued on up to the 8th grade. The same little girl sat or stood beside Carl in every one, and in the 8th grade photo their fingers were lightly touching as they looked innocently at the camera.

"I wonder who she was?" Brad mused. "I don't think Carl ever talked about her."

"Did she come to the house?" Jeff asked.

Brad shook his head. "I don't think so, but maybe. He had friends over sometimes, but Ramsey and I were sent to bed so early, so I just don't know."

The photos of Carl, especially seeing him with an obviously special friend, made them all introspective and sad. Having come to the end of the photos, Ramsey suddenly got up and went around the table. John barely had time to shove his chair back from the table to make room for the light load of a lapful of boy. Placing both arms around Ramsey's middle, he held him firmly while the boy wiped away his sudden tears.

Photos all taken, Jeff sat beside Brad, and the two started looking through the stack again. After a few minutes John felt Ramsey's trembling fade, and he squeezed him gently. Finally able to talk, Ramsey quietly said, "He was so happy, and so normal. Maybe they would have been high school sweethearts like our parents, and they'd be married now, and I'd be an uncle even. And he'd still be happy."

"Maybe," John agreed, having had the same thoughts as he saw the growing friendship shown in the photos.

"Why'd it have to happen? And why'd our grandfather have to be such a... a... _asshole_?!"

John didn't chide Ramsey for his vehement use of that word. The death of their parents had altered the lives of the Wades beyond measure, but if their grandfather hadn't been such an abusive... _asshole_ (John had to admit the word had a lot of merit in this case) maybe Carl and his younger brothers still could have had a relatively normal upbringing.

"I don't know, rugrat," John said, slightly rocking him. "I'm sorry it happened that way."

Ramsey fell silent, calming down, resting in John's strong arms.

"It all led us to you guys," Brad said. "And I'm grateful it did."

John smiled at the older teen. "Me too. I can't even imagine our lives without you two. You both helped us heal too." Jeff nodded and leaned over to hug Brad.

Ramsey wriggled to get up, and John released him. Turning sideways still on his lap, Ramsey hugged his young dad. "I'm glad too."

"Want to look around the school a little? I don't think they'll mind," John said, referring to the minimal staff members at the school on the sunny summer day.

"Yeah," Brad said. "I want to see my old classrooms. Maybe I'll remember them."

"And I'll take pictures," Jeff said, standing with the camera strap securely around his neck.

John stood up, taking Ramsey with him, setting the boy on his feet. "Want to do that, rugrat?"

Ramsey nodded, and followed the others out. John stopped by the front counter to return the class photos and ask if they could look around. Soon they were in the wing with the kindergarten and first and second grade classrooms. The rooms were unlocked, and the family explored.

"Do you remember?" Ramsey asked.

A slow smile spreading on his face, Brad nodded. "I do." He pointed at a play house in the corner. "I remember that, and the nap mats, and we had story times in that corner, and- yeah, I remember it!"

Jeff put in a new roll of color film and dutifully snapped away at everything. Ramsey thought his brother was lucky to remember good things from before all the awful years. He himself didn't. It made him happy for Brad, but kind of jealous too. He smiled at Brad's showing off the sections of the room and went to stand a little closer to John, who looked down at him with an understanding smile and casually put an arm around his shoulders.

After the colorful kindergarten room they went to the first grade room, which was almost as colorful but far more structured with actual desks. Brad unhesitatingly went to one at the side of the room. "I sat here."

"Sit down and I'll take your picture!" Jeff said.

Ramsey laughed, "He's too big!"

"So crouch!" Jeff directed. Brad obediently crouched down next to the little desk, completely dwarfing it, and Jeff snapped away.

After the classrooms they went outside to the playground which featured a rocket ship jungle gym. "Wow!" Jeff said, making a beeline for it. John feared for the safety of the camera banging against the boy's chest as he climbed the rocket ship. Ramsey joined Jeff, and soon both were sitting at the top level. John pulled out his own little instant camera and took a picture as the boys posed, grinning at him.

"Give me your camera," John said, and Jeff took the strap from around his neck and dropped the SLR into John's waiting hand. He joined Brad on the swings to watch the younger boys as they got rid of some of their pent-up energy, climbing and sliding and racing all over the playground. "Do you remember the playground?" John asked.

"Mhm," Brad said, looking around. "Especially the rocket ship! I'd forgotten about it, but seeing it again now, I remember it. We used to come play here after school and on the weekends. I think our parents and Carl brought us. I'm surprised Ramsey doesn't remember it."

"Maybe it'll come back to him," John said. Despite his words, he had his doubts. Ramsey seemed to have successfully blocked out portions of his childhood, some of the good memories evidently being lost along with the bad ones. Plus, his blonde son had been very little at the time.

They stayed at the playground for an hour or so, until an exhausted but happy pair of 15 year-olds plopped down on the swings beside the older two.

"Have fun?" John asked.

"Yup!" the two replied as one.

"What's next?" Brad asked.

John looked at his family. They'd had a good day, at times emotional, but mostly happy. He noticed how Ramsey got quiet awaiting word of their next activity on the trip down memory lane, and decided that was enough for one day. "How about grabbing dinner then going to a movie?"

"Yeah, there was that theater we passed this morning," Jeff said, excited. "Can we see _SpaceCamp_?"

"Yeah, _SpaceCamp_!" Ramsey agreed, sitting up again, ready to dash back to the car.

"Can you handle _SpaceCamp_?" John asked Brad, grinning.

"For these runts? Sure," Brad said, standing up. Ramsey jumped on his back without warning, and Brad managed not to stagger at the sudden unexpected weight.

Jeff watched as Brad took off with his brother attached to him, and looked back at John. John correctly interpreted the wish in his eyes, and said, "Well, come on then!" and was soon carrying his own brother piggyback to the car.

 

**..»º*º«....»º*º«....»º*º«..**

 

Thanks for reading!


	6. Visiting their parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family visits the Wade parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad chapter ahead, at least after breakfast. 
> 
> BTW, this chapter seems a good time to mention that this whole epilogue is the result of a comment always_angel made wayyyy back in November, 2016 when the Loftons first went to visit their parents' graves with Ramsey along (in Winter). She said she hoped that Ramsey could visit his parents' graves someday. So, for you - here they do :)

**Day Four**  

"Can we go back to the IHOP?" Ramsey asked, sitting on the corner of his bed, dressed and ready to go. 

"Sure," John said. "That okay with everyone else?" He looked around the motel room at Brad and Jeff, who both nodded. "Everyone ready?" 

"Yup," Ramsey and Jeff ran out the door to the car, while Brad and John followed at a more leisurely pace.  

Once they were all in the Impala and John had started the engine, Jeff suddenly said, "I forgot something!" He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached a hand over the seat. "Can I have the room key, please?" 

Sighing, John turned the engine back off and handed his set of keys, to which he had attached the motel key, to Jeff.  

"Thanks! Be right back." Jeff slipped out of the car and dashed back to the room.  

Jeff was gone a few minutes, and as the seconds ticked by, Ramsey grew more and more antsy. When John reached for the door handle, Ramsey immediately struck up a conversation. "John?" 

John paused, his hand on the door handle. "Yes?" 

"Um... " Rats, why hadn't he come up with a topic earlier? "Um... where are we going today?" he blurted out. 

"We have a few options. I thought we could go over them at breakfast, okay?" 

"Um, okay," Ramsey said, watching in a near-panic as John opened his car door and headed back to the room. He waited all of two seconds then dashed after him. Brad, picking up on his little brother's dismay, followed, curious to see what was going on. 

John walked in on Jeff hastily shutting his suitcase - John's suitcase – and placing his right hand behind his back. "What are you doing?" John asked, not angry but curious. He'd never been one of those 'hands off my things' people, something that would have been impossible growing up with four curious little brothers anyway, not to mention the way that Jeff even now liked to hang out in John's bedroom and look at his stuff. "Do you need aspirin?" 

Caught off guard, Jeff said, "No! I mean, yes, I was looking for the aspirin." 

Brad shook his head, smirking at the same time, knowing that was a bald-faced lie. So did John. Smiling slightly, John said, "It's in the right-side pocket." He crossed his arms and waited for Jeff to open the lid again.  

"Okay," Jeff said, making no move towards the suitcase. He flashed a look at Ramsey, who tried to think of a distraction.   

"Um, John?" Ramsey started, unsure of what he was going to say next. 

"Yes, Ramsey?" John asked, amused at this attempt at distraction.  

"Um..." At a loss, Ramsey looked at Brad, who just continued smirking.  

John decided to put the younger boys out of their misery. Uncrossing his arms, he said, "What are you holding behind your back, Jeff?" 

Jeff again looked at Ramsey, who sighed and gave a little nod signifying that the jig was up. Jeff pulled his hand from his side to reveal the hated salad server. Brad burst out laughing at the sight, while John just shook his head.  

"Really, Jeff?" John asked. He held his right hand out, and his youngest brother relinquished the item. John turned to the blonde-haired boy. "You were in on this?" 

A quiet, "Mhm," and eyes cast down while Ramsey awaited retribution. 

John held the server up and said, "No more silliness. If either of you touches this again without my permission, we'll put it to good use. Is that clear?" 

"Yes," Jeff sulked, while Ramsey just nodded. 

"Is that clear?" John repeated. 

This time both boys replied with quiet, "Yes, sirs".  

John put the spoon back in his suitcase and closed it again. "Come on, let's go to breakfast."  

Brad hung back to accompany the boys out of the room. Putting an arm around each of their necks, he whispered, "That was ab-so-lute-ly pathetic. You need to work on your sneakiness." 

Both kids were surprised at Brad's conspiratorial behavior. Normally he was right there helping John enforce the rules! "Give us pointers later," Ramsey whispered back, and Brad just smiled and gave both boys a gentle pat on the behind to send them on ahead. As Brad trailed the others to the car, he reflected that it was a good thing Ramsey had never been the shoplifter that he had been in their previous life with Carl – just like lying, Ramsey had absolutely no aptitude for subterfuge! 

**..»º*º«..**  

Over the sugar high from all the chocolate syrup drizzled over their pancakes, Jeff and Ramsey quit sulking and gave in to the fact that the stupid salad server would in all likelihood be accompanying them back home to South Dakota. Meanwhile, Brad chatted about the grade school and the others asked questions to jog his memories. The conversation shifted to Ramsey and Brad's parents, and they decided to visit the cemetery that morning. Ramsey still wasn't sure about going. He wanted to, but he was also afraid to. John recommended going first thing, since he didn't want visiting the gravesite to be the last thing they did during that day, or even during the trip. 

"Okay," Ramsey said quietly, feeling his throat get tight. He put his fork down, not hungry for the last few bites of pancake. Brad reached over and stole his last piece of bacon, then they left the restaurant. 

"Can we get flowers?" Brad asked. "Is that something people do?" 

"Yes to both questions," John said. "Remember last year?" 

Brad nodded, thinking back to when he had gone with John and Eddie to visit the Lofton parents' graves on Mother's Day. "I just want to do it right," he said nervously.  

"I don't think there's a wrong way," John reassured him. 

They stopped at a florist and John and Jeff stood back while Ramsey and Brad selected a colorful variety of flowers to make two bunches. John reached for his wallet to pay for them, but stopped when Brad said, "I got it."  

There were three cemeteries in town, and John had called in advance to determine in which one the boys' parents were buried. He knew he was taking a chance in taking the Wades there; who knew what the condition of the graves and the headstones would be after all these years? It was likely no one had ever visited, but he hoped the cemetery itself had taken care of them. He half-wished they weren't going since it brought back memories of his own parents, and if either of the boys had changed his mind on the way, he would have given it up. But Brad and Ramsey were quiet after the florist, and so on they went.  

John had been given a map of the grounds, so they were able to drive pretty close. As they walked along the green lawn, Ramsey reached out and took Brad's hand, each carrying a bouquet in the other one. Jeff wanted to take John's hand, but felt that would be too babyish since they weren't  _his_  parents. Just because they were his brothers' parents, and it was all too much like visiting his own... no, he didn't need to hold John's hand. He didn't object when John reached over and grabbed his hand tightly, though. They approached a matching set of white marble headstones, nice and neither ostentatious nor too small. The names and dates were chiseled neatly on them, and John was relieved to see that they were in very good condition. The lawn in the area had been neatly mown, and there were even flowers already on both graves.  

Brad looked around to see if any other graves had flowers, wondering how it came to be that his parents' were so adorned. None of the others had the same white bouquets as the two in front of them, and he looked questioningly at John, who just smiled and gave the barest of shrugs signifying that he didn't know where they came from. John had his suspicions, since the caretakers knew he was bringing the Wade brothers, but he hadn't asked for anything to be placed on top of them. In fact, he was feeling slightly guilty that he  _hadn't_.  

Ramsey didn't look around – his full focus was on examining the headstones and memorizing them. After a minute he dropped his brother's hand and fell to his knees between them, reaching out to trace the chiseled words with his right hand, his left hand still clutching the colorful bouquet. Brad remained standing, feeling awkward and wishing he could act as unselfconsciously as his little brother. He watched Ramsey and tried not to think about his parents being under the headstones. Even as uncomfortable as he was, he knew this was a moment to be cherished. His Mom and his Dad and his little brother were together for the first time in over a decade. Carl was missing, and while normally Brad would have been glad for the fact, being in the town where they had all been happy, standing near his parents, memories of a much younger Carl surfaced. Carl walking him to school; looking over at his side of the playground at recess to be sure he wasn't being picked on; reading to him and playing games with him; picking him up and slipping him a cookie once when he had just gotten in trouble for something at home. Brad had forgotten that, and the memory made him smile through the tears that he suddenly realized were making his vision blurry. 

After tracing the last of the words Ramsey sat back, cross-legged, and looked over his shoulder at Brad with tear-filled eyes. "Can I give my flowers to Mommy?" 

"Yeah, of course," Brad said, recalled to the present moment. He drew closer and knelt beside his brother, placing his own bouquet on their father's grave. Ramsey put his on their mother's. They were both quiet a moment, then Ramsey suddenly picked up his bouquet again and started pulling the stems from the wrapping. "What are you doing?" Brad asked, thinking maybe it was all too much for the boy and he was tearing them up. 

"I want them both to have some from me!"  

"Oh... then I'll divide mine up too." Brad got his own group of flowers back and neatly separated them, then the boys put the halves from the different bouquets together again, so both parents had some from each of them. Brad thought it was a little silly. The bouquets had contained the same mix of flowers that they had both chosen, and the resulting bunches were nearly identical, but were now loose and slightly sloppier. But he knew it made sense to Ramsey, that he didn't want their father to feel slighted by only giving his to their mother.  

"There," Ramsey said in satisfaction, reaching out to pat both flower bouquets.  

John and Jeff had stayed a few steps back, ready to jump in if Ramsey or Brad needed them. "Want me to take a picture?" Jeff quietly asked. 

"Yes," they both replied.  

John dropped Jeff's hand, and the teen quietly got the camera ready and snapped several photos. Ramsey started to stand up to get out of the way, but Brad grabbed him. "Stay here. Who knows if we'll ever get back here." After crossing the distance of time and geography, Brad wanted something to hold onto to prove that they had made it to see their parents. When he was older with hopefully kids of his own someday, he wanted to be able to show them a photo and let them know that he had tried to honor his parents by seeking them out. Ramsey obligingly sat back again, and Jeff took their photo. Then they stood and had another one taken, then Brad asked a passing caretaker if he would please take one with all four of them standing behind the headstones. After that, Jeff took a couple close-ups of the chiseled writing while John wandered a few steps off with the caretaker to say a quiet thank you for tending the graves and leaving the white flowers.  

When John returned, the rest of his family was ready to go. Ramsey and Brad were both teary but quietly content. Jeff was also teary, both on his brothers' behalf as well as his own. John looked at the three of them, wanting to take them all in his arms at the same time. Since he couldn't do that, he gave them each a hug, one by one, starting with Brad. His second oldest son didn't demand his attention or seek physical comfort like the younger boys did on a daily basis, but John knew the older teen still craved it. Besides, he only had another day with this young man, then he was off to the Marines. He gave him a squeeze, then released him, only to find himself with an armful of younger teens a moment later.  

"I'm glad we came," Ramsey said softly once they got back in the car.  

"Me too," Brad said, looking back to smile at his brother from the front seat.  

"Can we get ice cream?" Jeff plaintively asked, wanting a distraction and a change from the heaviness of the morning.  

John thought about chiding the boy for interrupting the poignancy of the morning's event, but when Ramsey chimed in, "Yeah, can we?" and Brad gave him a hopeful look, he nodded. 

"How about the A&W for lunch again? You can all have ice cream for  _dessert_."  

They all ordered much the same as they had the previous day, but with ice cream sundaes afterwards. "Where to next?" Jeff asked, licking his spoon. 

"Let's go see the house," John said, and Ramsey pulled out the map. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, the family will visit the Wades' old house. It will likely still be poignant, but much lighter and ultimately happy :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Loftons return to the Wades old house. Will Ramsey finally remember something?

**Day Four – Afternoon**

Refreshed by their A&W lunches, the Loftons next headed to the house where the Wades lived when Ramsey and Brad were little. Ramsey, who had been quiet since leaving the cemetery, perked up a little in the car. So far he hadn't remembered a single thing! He hadn't really expected to, but watching his older brother's memories return, he thought maybe, just maybe, something would come back to him too. And where better than their old home where he had spent nearly all of his babyhood and toddlerhood? Sourly, he considered that he remembered all too well the layout of their grandfather's home, and quite a few of the dives where he had lived with Carl and Brad in later years. Would it be too much to ask to have a  _happy_  memory return to him? He knew he had been happy at home with his family as a little guy. While he didn't remember his parents or anything, really, he had always clung to a warm feeling of contentment and happiness that he knew came from his parents. So now, as they drove the half a dozen streets to reach their old home, he hoped that something sparked that warm feeling and turned it into a full-fledged happy memory. 

Ramsey directed John's way, even though John had glanced at the map and could have just driven there without the street-by-street instructions. He good-naturedly let the teen prattle on, knowing it was a good distraction and outlet for his nervous energy. Finally they drew up to a small, neat, yellow house on a corner, and John parked. They stayed in the car a moment, then Brad said, "I think it used to be white. Do you remember it, Ramsey?"

"No," Ramsey said, fighting disappointment. "But I like it yellow."

"Yeah," Brad said, and got out of the car. The others followed, and stood on the front sidewalk. "Do they know we're coming?" 

John shook his head. "No, I called a few times but couldn't get through."

"How'd you get their phone number?" Jeff asked. "Do you know who lives here now?"

"A Mr. and Mrs. Roger Atworth. I called the public library and they found Mr. and Mrs. Douglas Wade in an old phone book. That gave us the address, then they used a reverse phone book to find the current owners."

"Wow," Ramsey said.

John smiled. "Never underestimate a good librarian."

The three teens grinned at each other and their father, and they all approached the house. John reached out and rang the doorbell, and Ramsey bounced on the balls of his feet in anticipation of going inside. No answer. John rang again, but again they waited in vain for a response. Brad stepped forward and gave a single hopeful ring, and when that failed, Jeff took it upon himself to press the doorbell rapidly. He got in half a dozen rings before John slapped his hand away. 

"Don't do that. They might be sick or sleeping."

Ramsey leaned against the front window, shielding his eyes from the sun. "Doesn't look like anyone's home."

"Ramsey," John said, pulling the boy away from the window.

"I just wanted to see," Ramsey said, again disappointed that his brief glimpse inside the apparent living room didn't trigger any memories.

"You can't just look in people's windows," John said mildly. "Let's walk around the yard."

The yard wasn't fenced, so while he still felt strange leading his kids around on someone else's property, he was more okay with it than letting them all gaze in the windows. Maybe the Atworths were on vacation or something. John didn't want the visit to the house to be all for nothing. They walked around the side, the one bordered by the street, then found themselves in the backyard. Entering the backyard felt more an intrusion to John, but he tried to ignore his discomfort and focus on Brad and Ramsey who were looking around at everything. Jeff followed with the camera, taking pictures indiscriminately in case they proved useful later. 

"I remember this tree!" Brad said, a statement which under any other circumstances would have probably sent the younger boys into giggles. On this occasion Jeff just grinned while Ramsey looked at it resentfully. Brad clapped a hand on the trunk of an old oak tree and looked up at its branches. "We had a rope swing. Do you remember it, Ramsey?"

"No," Ramsey said, a trifle sullenly.

Brad's grin faded slightly. He wished Ramsey could remember something. They hadn't really expected that he would, but Brad felt sorry for him. "Yeah," he said. "I climbed it all the time."

"Did I climb it too?"

"You were a baby. Of course not." 

Ramsey turned away, disappointment and hurt written all over his face. His older brother left the tree and joined him where he had plopped himself on a little rock wall.

"I know you want to remember too," Brad said, patting the younger boy on the back. 

"It's frustrating." Ramsey had spent the days and weeks in advance of the trip not expecting to remember anything himself, but hoping Brad would have happy memories. That had proven to be the case – the good memories seemed to come from every point for his older brother, and Ramsey was happy for him. Still, he hadn't anticipated how hollow and disappointed he would feel at having absolutely nothing come back to him.

"Can you-" Brad fell silent, not knowing if what he wanted to say would make things better or worse for his little brother.

"Hmm?"  

Deciding to go for it, Brad said, "You remember feeling happy, right? When you were really little with Mom and Dad and Carl and me?"

"Yeah," Ramsey said doubtfully, wondering where Brad was going with this.

"Like an overall happy feeling? You remember feeling loved?"

"Yes."

"Even if you don't remember specifics?"

"Mhm." Ramsey was hanging on Brad's every word, hoping his older brother would share something that could help him feel better.

"Then instead of looking for specific things to remember, try to just see  _everything_  here as the source of that warm feeling." Brad smiled suddenly when his brother became thoughtful rather than annoyed. "Well, Mom and Dad were the source. But this is where it happened. Just  _be_  here and let it sink in that this is where it happened, okay?"

Ramsey nodded. "Okay." 

With another clap on his brother's back, Brad got up and wandered back to John, who mouthed, "Thank you," to him.

"Go back to the tree and I'll take your photo," Jeff said, motioning for Brad to move near the oak again. 

Ramsey sat on the rock wall, drinking in the sunshine, looking around at the landscaping. The flowers and bushes and smaller trees looked fresh and newer, and he doubted they had been around 11 years before. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the yard as it might have been, with just a wide expanse of lawn and the oak tree. He could imagine it, but he honestly couldn't say he remembered it. Still, as he sat there, the sun and fresh air and quiet chatter of his family calmed him down and restored his usual good mood, and when he opened his eyes again, he realized he was happy. He could easily imagine this content, happy feeling as being the same as what he remembered from long ago. Jumping up suddenly he dashed over to Brad, catching him in a backwards hug. 

"It worked!" he said.

Brad turned and picked up his smaller brother, hugging him before tossing him over his shoulder. Ramsey laughed and kicked to get down, and Brad just playfully slapped his bottom while keeping him firmly in the air.

"Hello, there!"

The family all turned in surprise, seeing a woman standing at the edge of the yard, between the yellow house and the one next door. She was in her 50s, with faded red hair pulled back to reveal a friendly countenance. Dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt over a t-shirt, she pulled off her gardening gloves, tucking them under one arm. 

"Hi," John said, crossing closer to her. "We didn't mean to snoop, but-"

"We used to live here!" Ramsey interrupted, twisting his body around from his perch on Brad's shoulder to see the woman. 

"There  _was_  a family that lived here before the Atworths, with three boys."

"That was us!" Ramsey sang, in full-on happy mode now.

Brad lowered his brother to the ground and said, "I'm Brad Wade."

"I'm Flora Stand," she said, crossing the last few steps to shake his hand. Looking at Ramsey, she said, "And you must be Ramsey, I would recognize that blonde hair anywhere."

"You know me?" he asked, delighted, coming close beside Brad. He was still generally shy around strangers, especially adults, but he wanted near the action.

"I certainly do! You were always coming over to my house. And..." She looked doubtfully at John. "Carl?"

John felt a chill at being mistaken for Carl, but quickly rallied. "No, I'm John Lofton. I adopted these two. And this is my brother, Jeff."

Jeff said hello, adding with a cheeky grin, "He adopted me too."

"My goodness," Flora said, sensing there was a story behind all of these young men on the lawn between the two houses. "Please join me for lemonade on the back patio. Do you have time?"

John didn't bother with false protestations, as happy to discover this link to the Wades' past as the boys seemed to be. "That would be fantastic, thank you." 

The Loftons followed her to her backyard and took seats around the picnic table. As she went into the house, Ramsey asked, "Can I help?"

"Yes, thank you, honey." 

Ramsey grinned at the term and hustled off the bench to go inside. Jeff followed, avoiding John's hand that reached out to hold him back. As the two boys disappeared into the tidy house, John and Brad looked at each other and shrugged, smiling. 

Flora quickly mixed up the lemonade (or rather, she dumped the powder into the pitcher and added water, then Ramsey took over stirring it). "Would you please add ice to the glasses?" she asked Jeff, noting with approval that he washed his hands first. While the boys were occupied, she got cookies from the cookie jar and set them on a plate along with napkins. When all was ready, she carried out the plate of cookies while Ramsey followed with the pitcher of lemonade, and Jeff with the tray of ice-filled glasses.

"Thank you," John said. "This is so kind of you." He poured lemonade for everyone while the boys helped themselves to cookies. He shot a warning look at Jeff, who had two cookies in hand already and was reaching for a third. Jeff grinned and retrieved his hand, thinking he would go back for the third one later. And maybe a fourth. There were so many on the plate!

As they all sat back, sipping on their lemonade, Flora said, "It's been what, 11 years? Where do you all live now?"

"Jackson, South Dakota," Brad replied. 

"How did you end up there?"

Ramsey and Brad looked at each other, not wanting to try to summarize all those long awful years. "We moved around a lot," Brad finally said. "After our grandfather died. And we ended up in South Dakota."

"And John adopted us!" Ramsey put in, brushing cookie crumbs off his shirt. 

"That's wonderful," she said, seeing that the boys obviously thought it was. "What is Carl doing these days?" 

Ramsey and Brad again looked at each other. John stepped in. "He's in a psychiatric hospital. He's had some difficulties."

"Yeah, he's psycho," Ramsey muttered.

Flora's brow furrowed. "No, not Carl. Carl?" At the various nods she received, she shook her head. "I loved that boy. He was always so helpful. He carried my trash cans out to the street every week, along with your own." Saddened, she said, "I had high hopes for him. He was brilliant in school. Straight A's and won every science competition he entered."

"Really?" Brad asked.

"Did he go to college?" she asked hopefully.

Brad and Ramsey shook their heads.

"I thought he would go to MIT or Harvard. Your parents thought he would, too. They were saving for it, though I expect he could have had a full scholarship, he was that smart. Rachel too."

"Rachel?" Ramsey, sitting up with interest. "Did she have curly hair?"

"She did. Do you remember her?"

"No, but we saw her in the class photos down at the school yesterday."

"She and Carl looked like good friends," Brad added.

"I think they wanted to go to college together. She was heartbroken when he left so suddenly."

Ramsey's heart was breaking too, for his oldest brother. "I think... I think our grandfather dashed all his dreams."

Flora's face saddened even further. "I worried for you boys when he took you away. He was nothing like your father. Your parents were the kindest folks, how your father came from him..." She shook her head and looked around at the young men before her. "Let me refresh your lemonade." She topped off their glasses, using the moment to collect her thoughts. 

"Did you know our parents pretty well?" Brad asked.

"Yes. They were such a lovely young couple. High school sweethearts, they married the summer they graduated and moved in next door to my husband and I. Carl came along the next year. They were still teenagers, but so responsible! Doug worked down at the factory, and Kathy took such good care of her family and her home. She often brought you boys over, and you would paint my house while we chatted."

"We painted your house?" Ramsey asked. 

Flora smiled. "With water."

Jeff cocked his head. "What?"

"A paintbrush and a bucket of water, and you boys would happily paint for hours!" 

They all laughed, and Ramsey said, "Wow, we were gullible!"

She waved that off. "Not really. The house was light green back then, and the water turned it dark green. You thought you were really painting it!"

"Gullible," Brad said, nudging Ramsey in agreement, but grinning. "I remember doing that, and coming over here."

As the family settled down again, Flora looked around at all of them and grew serious again. "Your grandfather left in such a hurry with you boys, I don't think you even got to take your toys. There was an estate sale for everything in the house, then the house itself was sold. I... I didn't think it was right. Brad, would you help me with something?" She stood, and Brad followed her into the house, leaving the others to wonder what was going on. 

During the ten minutes they were gone, Jeff managed to snag and devour three more cookies. John let him. Finally Flora and Brad returned. Flora carried one large box while Brad was weighed down with two. They set the boxes down on a bench, then she opened the top to one of them, pausing to look at her guests. "I helped tidy the house before the estate sale. Your grandfather didn't want anything to do with anything. He was a miserable old coot, I don't think he could stand your parents' happiness. So he just took off without settling anything. So, anyway, maybe it was wrong of me, but I didn't think it was right for everything to be sold." Lifting the lid she repeated, "Maybe it was wrong, but I always hoped you boys would come back, and... and... I don't care if it was wrong!" And with that declaration she lifted the box onto the picnic table and they all peered inside. "I kept these out of the sale and saved them for you."

A stack of photo albums awaited them, along with several boxes measuring about 9 x 12 inches. The boxes all bore the name 'Hillman's Department Store' in cursive script, and looked to be from the 1970s. When they all hung back in amazement, Flora reached in and took out the top photo album. "Kathy and Doug were always taking pictures, they were so proud of you kids." Opening it up, the boys saw it started at their wedding and progressed a few years, showing the activities of a young, happy family. Ramsey instantly teared up. Just like at the school, he got up and went to sit on John's lap, and looked on while Brad paged through the album. It was a treasure trove of memories of their family, a young couple very much in love and their beloved children. 

"They're all photos?" Brad asked, looking at the other boxes.

Flora shook her head. "It's silly. You boys are too old for them now, but I thought you might be back sooner." 

Jeff had gotten up from the table and was lifting one of the lids. "Toys!"

Ramsey left the safety of John's arms and lap and went over to investigate. "Wow, look at these." The two boys pawed through the top open box, finding the toys that Flora had long ago thought might be the favorites of the three orphaned neighbor boys. John and Brad grinned at each other, having the same thought that Jeff and Ramsey weren't so old yet and would probably be playing with them soon.

Nodding to the box still underneath the toy-filled one, Flora said, "And that one is some things of your parents'. Mementos, family heirlooms, things I thought you should have."

Jeff lifted the toy box to the side, and Ramsey opened the last box. Silver candlesticks, probably a wedding present; a cross-stitched sampler; a wooden fountain pen; other small things that Ramsey wasn't particularly interested in now, but knew he would appreciate someday; and a shoebox at the bottom. Ramsey opened the shoebox and suddenly froze at what was inside. 

"What is it?" John asked, not able to see into the box.

Ramsey looked up at him, eyes brimming. "I remember this. This was mine!" He reverently pulled out a child-sized violin case and opened it, revealing the tiny 1/8 instrument and its little bow. "Daddy got this for me because I was always trying to play his! He got me this one and was teaching me how to play! How did I forget that?"

"I wish we'd had that one with us later on," Brad said. "It would have been so much easier for you to learn on."

"Yeah, though I'm glad I have Dad's to play now. Wow." He carried the toddler-sized violin back with him to sit on John's lap, drew the bow across the strings experimentally, then started tuning it. He remembered his dark-haired father coming home from work one day and giving him the tiny violin. He showed him how to hold the instrument and the bow, and set his baby fingers on the neck to form the notes. He remembered playing  _Mary Had a Little Lamb_ , the first song he was taught, while his family listened and applauded. Then his dad had joined in with his own violin, turning it into a duet. How had he possibly forgotten that? For years he thought he had just picked up the instrument, forgetting his first earliest lessons with his dad.

Before long Ramsey had it tuned to his satisfaction, and played  _Mary Had a Little Lamb_  with lots of small flourishes. The others listened to the high-pitched instrument, pausing in their photo-looking and toy-finding to give Ramsey their attention. They clapped when he finished, and he happily leaned back against John, wiping his eyes on John's sleeve.

"Thanks for that," John said with a smile.

"I don't want to get the violin wet," Ramsey explained, giving a teary laugh. "Thank you, Flora, for saving all this for us!"

"Yes, thanks," Brad said, "This is amazing. When we came back here, I didn't expect to find any of this."

"It's going to take a while to look through," John said, not wanting to impose on this thoughtful woman for the hours and hours it would take his family to pore over everything.

"I'm so glad you came back and I could return these things to their rightful owners." Flora sat back in her chair, pleased at how everything was turning out. 

They stayed another half hour or so, paging through the albums, and ultimately carrying them out to the car to take home. Ramsey had kept a tight grip on his violin, only relinquishing it to the safety of the case and shoebox when John ordered him to. They stood in the front yard saying goodbye to their old neighbor, the boys still holding the boxes.

"Roger will be home from work in another hour or so," Flora said, nodding next door to the Wades' old house. Gail is visiting her sister, but I'm sure Roger would be happy to show you inside. It's changed since then."

John looked at the boys. Ramsey and Brad exchanged glances and Brad said, "That's alright. It's just a house. I think everything we want to know about our parents is in here." He lifted the box with the photos. 

"Are you sure, Ramsey?" John asked, not wanting Ramsey to give up the opportunity to see inside his old house if it would help him remember more.

Ramsey shook his head. "I don't need to. Just seeing the outside brought back the happy feelings." And he didn't want the happiness crushed by disappointment again, if he got inside and found he didn't remember anything else. He  _had_  a memory now, a very happy one, and he wanted to hold on to it forever.

"Okay," John said fondly. "I guess we're good here. Thank you so much, Flora. Hey, let's exchange contact information."

She nodded at that, and John followed her back to the house while the boys put the boxes in the car. As they wrote down their phone numbers and addresses, Flora commented, "You should check with the bank. Like I said, their grandfather was a mean old coot who didn't want anything to do with his son's happiness. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if the money from Doug and Kathy's estate was still there waiting for the boys. They didn't have much, but there might still be a little something."

"We'll do that," John said, the idea of the boys having any kind of inheritance having never crossed his mind before. 

They walked out to the front yard again, and she gave them all hugs goodbye. John reached out a hand to shake hers, and wasn't totally surprised when she instead pulled him into a hug too. "Thanks for everything," he said, and the boys echoed their thanks, and they drove away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go for this epilogue! Hope you liked this one, and thank you for reading! :)


	8. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family has their last evening and morning in Idaho Falls, and Brad is off to the Marines!

**Day Four - Evening**

After leaving the old neighborhood, the family returned to their motel room and spent the evening with the contents of the boxes spread out on the beds and table. The Hillman's Department Store boxes turned out to contain loose photos; an assortment of school photos for Kathy, Doug, Carl, and Brad; a few from Kathy's childhood which showed her with her own parents; and some from a visit to Sear's Portrait Studio when the boys looked to be about 2, 5, and 13. There were two poses with the entire family, and one with just the boys, an 8x10 of each along with a handful of smaller wallet sizes. Ramsey spent some time gazing at these, taking note of how in the one with just his brothers, Carl held him carefully in one arm, the other arm around Brad, all three of them smiling. Not for the first time he wished their lives hadn't taken such an awful turn. He wished they had grown up with their own parents, and that Carl could have gone to college with Rachel. It was strange to think of his oldest brother liking a girl – in all their years together he had never dated or expressed an interest in women, unlike Brad. 

"I had one of these," Jeff said, pulling something out of the toy box. Ramsey and Brad looked over to see him holding up a Fisher Price camera. The boy held it up to his face and clicked it, so the plastic 'flash' on top turned.

"Actually, James had one of those," John clarified. "You just appropriated it." Under his breath but loud enough to be heard and elicit a laugh from the others, he added, "Just like you appropriated  _everyone's_  toys!"

"I was the baby. I had to get stuff somehow!" Jeff grinned.

"I think everything ended up yours."

"I just kept stuff from being thrown away after you all lost interest in it!" the youngest said with a shrug and a grin.

John pulled him backwards onto his lap and ruffled his hair. Jeff laughed and after a moment of letting himself be cuddled, said, "I'm hungry! Can we call out for pizza?"

Brad called for pizza to be delivered to the room, and they spent a comfortable evening looking through all the items in the boxes. The memento box yielded another treasure in the form of Kathy and Doug's marriage certificate, dated from June of 1958. 

"Wow, they didn't waste any time," Brad mused. "They got married just weeks after graduation."

"That wasn't all that uncommon back then," John said. "Graduating high school meant you were an adult, and ready to take on adult responsibilities."

Brad nodded, thinking how inadequate he had been at 17 and 18 when Emily had been expecting their child. His parents were married when they were 18, and his dad had a full-time factory job, and to all appearances they had taken the birth of their firstborn in stride. Brad himself hadn't finished school or even gotten his driver's license by the age that his parents had been when they wed! He tried to imagine having a baby now at 19 and even though he had grown up so much in the last year, he couldn't do it. Thoughts of Heather and a future with green-eyed babies that looked like her crept into his mind... the idea made him happy. And squirm a little. But very happy. That was a few years off, though, once he was through basic training and more settled in to his career in the military. Heather was heading off to college in the fall, and they had promised to wait for each other. 

"Want to take anything with you?" John asked Brad towards the end of the evening, interrupting his reverie. 

The 19 year-old looked over the photographs and albums and started to shake his head. Then he picked up a wallet size photo from the studio shoot. "Can I take this one? Do you mind, Ramsey?"

"You can have that one," Ramsey said quietly. He didn't want to think about Brad needing to take anything with him, because he didn't want his brother to go. This time it was for good. Last time when Brad had run off to Iowa it was open-ended, and in the end he had returned to him. He knew that wasn't a possibility this time. His older brother had been running and lifting weights for the last year, and was in excellent physical condition, dashing any hopes Ramsey might have had about him washing out of basic training. Brad was smart too, drat the luck. Ramsey knew he was going to do well in the Marines. He took a deep breath.

"Thanks," Brad said, tucking the photo into his wallet behind one of his new family that had been taken that spring. Glancing at his little brother, he recognized the signs that Ramsey was trying not to get upset. "Let's go for a walk."

"It's dark out."

Brad got up and hoisted Ramsey to his feet. "I'll protect you," he said with a laugh.

"Shut up," Ramsey said mildly, feeling silly. "I have to get my shoes on."

Brad and Ramsey walked side by side in silence for a time, eventually finding themselves in a nearby city park. Ramsey sat on a swing, and since there weren't any little kids in the dark clamoring for the other one, Brad took the one next to him. 

"It's not goodbye forever," Brad finally said.

"It feels like it."

"I'll be back." Seeing his little brother's sad face, he gently joked, "I've got Heather to see to."

Ramsey turned a wobbly smile on him. "And me."

"Of course, you." Brad pulled the other swing closer to give his brother an earnest look. "I'll always come back to you. That's a promise."

"And you promise to call every week?"

"I'll try. I'm not sure what the rules are in basic training, but I'll try. And after basic, I promise I will."

"Good."

"John'll hunt me down and whip me, otherwise," Brad added with a smile. He didn't think Ramsey had ever learned about that particular promise that John had made when he first dragged him home to live with his family.

Ramsey laughed, thinking Brad was joking. "And I'll write to you, will you write to me?"

"I will." 

Neither had to say it, but they both knew how important it was to have something to hold on to. Phone calls were nice, but having a letter to hold and reread over and over... "Promise?" Ramsey asked.

"I promise."

Ramsey smiled at that, then looked shyly up at his brother. "I can't believe you're going to be a Marine. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, I can hardly believe it either."

"Two years ago, I never would have thought it was possible."

"Me neither. We were kind of stuck then, huh?"

Ramsey's face grew serious, and he twisted around in the swing, using the swaying motion to drag one foot in the sawdust. "Did you ever wonder if we would survive it?"

Brad  _had_  wondered. Not if they would die by Carl's hand – he didn't think their brother had that in him. But die from neglect or lack of hope, or even just get tired of the daily struggle and decide not to do it anymore... he had wondered. He had never shared those thoughts with his little brother and wasn't about to start now. Not now when they had come through it. He settled for saying, "I knew we would make it. We were strong for each other, and we didn't give up, and now look at us." He nudged Ramsey slightly with an elbow and was rewarded with another smile.

"Things are good now, aren't they?"

"Now and forever. Even if things get rocky or hard, we won't ever be alone again. We have the best family ever."

"Yes, we do!"

"You'll behave when I'm gone, won't you?"

Ramsey scoffed. "Of course! Mostly. Maybe," he finished with an impish grin. "But you never gave us sneakiness pointers!"

Brad laughed. "The salad spoon? Don't worry about that. I think I'd rather you not learn how to be sneaky."

"Aww, but Brad."

Brad got up and walked behind Ramsey, pulling on his swing to get him going. "Don't worry about that. Seriously."

Ramsey pouted and shrugged and smiled in quick order, then just enjoyed letting his brother push him. When the younger teen started pumping his legs and getting high, Brad stood back, arms crossed, smiling, to watch. 

"Watch this!" Ramsey said as he started forwards again.

"Don't jump!" Brad said in sudden alarm, seeing the tell-tale signs of his brother's intentions. 

His warning came too late, or rather his words were ignored. He watched as his little brother took off flying at the top of the forward swing, sailing through the air, and landing on his feet in the sawdust coating the playground. He fell to his knees immediately, being the uncoordinated klutz that he was, that being the reason for his brother's warning in the first place. Brad ran over the few steps and stood him up, relieved to see the boy's gigantic smile. 

"You okay?" he asked, brushing sawdust off the bare knobby knees.

"I'm fine! Did you see? I must have gone 12 feet!"

"That was dangerous, Ramsey," Brad said, continuing to brush sawdust off his brother, not finishing until he'd landed two whacks on the seat of Ramsey's shorts, even though there wasn't any sawdust there.

"Oww!" Ramsey protested. "That hurt!"

"Good, it's supposed to." Brad said, releasing the younger teen and standing back to make sure he hadn't missed any injuries. 

Ramsey pouted. "Such a worrywart."

"I'll always worry about you. Try to avoid getting any broken bones while I'm gone, okay?" Brad nudged the drooping chin higher until his brother looked him in the eye. "I want to hear that violin again."

"Okay. Sorry, Brad. Hey, do you have any money with you? Let's take ice cream back to the room!"

**Day Five**

Brad's plane was scheduled to leave at 1:25, so they only had the morning to do any last looking around Idaho Falls. Finding the marriage license had been a happy surprise as it meant they wouldn't have to stop by the courthouse to hunt up a copy, so that was one less thing on their to-do list. While the younger boys showered in the morning, John called around to the banks that he found listed in the phone book. There were three major banks in town, and he felt strange and like something of a gold digger calling to enquire whether the deceased parents of his adoptive sons had an account there. At the third bank he was transferred to a manager who had been there for years, and after doing a little checking he said yes. He told John to bring Brad and Ramsey in, along with any ID they had with them. 

Brad had listened in as John made the calls, not sure how he felt about the whole thing. His grandfather had lived meanly, and money had always been scarce when the three brothers traveled around. The thought that money had been around for the taking, money that could have made their lives easier – it was a strange thought. He found himself resentful of his grandfather and even Carl, even though he knew Carl probably had no idea either. He withheld comment, figuring his young dad knew what he was doing.

The bank was close, so they went there before getting breakfast. The manager was expecting them and they were ushered into a back office upon arrival. He asked for their identification and didn't look surprised when John pulled Ramsey's driver's license out of his own wallet. Ramsey was a little embarrassed, but decided to act like it was perfectly normal that he didn't keep his own ID.

The manager checked their IDs, including John's, then offered condolences for the loss of their parents. The boys didn't know what to say to that, it being a first for them, and mumbled their thanks. Then the manager pulled out a file containing a copy of a will and a hastily figured out and drawn up account statement. The balance of the Wades' estate, following the estate sale and the sale of their home, after paying off the rest of their mortgage, came to a little over $27,000. The amount drew a whistle from Jeff and a squeak of surprise from Ramsey and a scowl from Brad. John didn't know what to think. 

"The will says it's to be divided equally between the three sons. Where is Carl?"

"Mental hospital in Pierre, South Dakota," Brad offered with a touch of bitterness. 

"If you give me the details, I can make arrangements for him. Meanwhile, we can arrange for Brad's and Ramsey's shares."

An astonishingly short time later, the Loftons left the bank. Two cashier's checks for $9045 were safely (and very uncomfortably) tucked away in John's wallet. They were all rather stunned at the sudden windfall, and decided a late breakfast at IHOP would be a good idea to sit down and process it.

"You can buy a car!" Jeff said after their orders had been placed.

"I don't want a car," Ramsey said.

"Me neither. We have the Bronco," Brad said. "I think the money should go to the family. To John."

"Not to me," John protested. 

Ramsey thought Brad's suggestion was a good one, and added his two cents. "For taking us in and stuff. We're expensive."

John smiled but shook his head. "No. I didn't take you in with thoughts of benefitting from it. Well, not financially anyway. You two have enriched my life in countless other ways."

Ramsey grinned happily, and even some of Brad's annoyance departed, though he said, "I still think you should have it. If not for our expenses, then for the family. Like, add it to savings."

"It's yours. Your inheritance from your parents."

"Get a car!" Jeff said. 

Brad and John ignored Jeff's suggestion. "You don't have to decide today," John said. "For now, just put it in savings and let it draw interest until it's needed."

"And you can buy a car!" Jeff whispered to Ramsey, who rolled his eyes.

"I won't need it," Brad said with certainty. 

"Me neither," Ramsey declared.

"Don't be so quick to decide. You might want it for a down payment on a house, Brad."

"Ramsey can have it all for his education," Brad countered. "When he goes to MIT for his doctorate."

"What? I'm not going away to school," Ramsey said, dismayed at the very idea. "And I won't need it for a down payment, because I'm never leaving home!"

John and Brad exchanged amused looks, though privately John was starting to wonder. Ramsey had declared several times that he planned to live at home with John forever, and while John had no plans to force him to leave after he grew up, he knew the boy would have to leave eventually in order to reach his full potential. SM&T offered master's degrees, but not doctorates, and anything less for Ramsey would be a waste of his ability. Unless he wanted to do something wildly different like become a violinist, but so far the violin was just a hobby. A hobby he did extremely well, but just a hobby. Oh well, the subject of Ramsey going away to school was a fight for another day. With any luck a cute girl would catch his eye and aid in his desire to have his own household someday.

"Just save it for now," John said. "Ramsey won't need it for his education, anyway. We've got our inheritance for that."

"You don't need to pay for his if we have that money sitting there," Brad said.

Now John scowled slightly. "Ramsey's education will be paid for the same way everyone else's is."

"Maybe..." Ramsey looked from John to Brad, worry in his eyes.

"Maybe what?" Brad asked.

"Maybe Carl can use it?"

"For a car?" Jeff asked.

"Hush," John ordered his youngest brother and son.

"Carl?" Brad asked in confusion.

"Yeah. He- he's not going to be in the hospital forever, and he'll need a place to go." Darting quick looks between Brad's frowning face and John's thoughtful one, he continued, "He can use it for somewhere to live."

"Far, far away from you," Brad said, settling back in the booth.

"Maybe," Ramsey agreed. Turning to John he asked, "Can we think about it?"

"Definitely." John looked at his little family. "Let's not rush into anything. For now, let's put it in savings and just think about it. Okay?"

Brad and Ramsey nodded, and Jeff looked at the car dealership next to the restaurant, imagining all the possibilities.

**..»º*º«..**

"Anything else you want to see?" John asked as they walked back to the car. No one had anything they were dying to see, so they ended up killing time walking around downtown, looking in store windows. Some things jostled memories for Brad, but Ramsey still just had the one memory of his dad and his violin. He wasn't sad about it, though. As far as memories went, he thought that was an especially good one!

Since they had such a late breakfast they didn't bother with lunch, and arrived at the small airport at 12:30. John carried Brad's duffel bag so Brad could put an arm around each of the younger boys as they walked in. 

"Got your ticket?" John asked as they approached the counter to check in.

"Yes," Brad said, reaching for his wallet. He opened it, expecting to find his plane ticket, but it wasn't there. "Where...? It was here this morning! I had it at the bank." Totally embarrassed, he looked at John in dismay. Here he was, about to board a plane to go off and join the Marines and in his mind join the ranks of adults, and now he'd lost his ticket! How irresponsible could he possibly be?

John leaned closer to peer in Brad's wallet. "Are you sure it's not there?"

"It's not that big, John. We'd see it."

"Is it in your bag?"

Brad put his wallet away and crouched down to unzip his duffel bag. He pawed through it for a few minutes but came up empty.

"Maybe it's in the car," Jeff suggested.

Brad stood again, looking at the clock on the wall which now read 12:46, then out to the parking lot. "I'll check."

John, meanwhile, had noticed Ramsey's seeming disinterest in the matter and his unhelpfulness in looking for the ticket. Normally Ramsey would be right in the way trying to help find it. "Rugrat?" 

The blonde teen glanced at his dad. "Yes, Daddy?" He looked with guileless eyes at John, knowing even as he had spoken that his use of 'Daddy' was a tip-off. He snickered suddenly, and Brad halted in his step towards the doorway. 

"Ramsey," John said more sternly.

"What?" Ramsey said, protesting his innocence, even as he reached for his own wallet with a smirk. 

Brad snatched the ticket out of Ramsey's wallet. "Ramsey!" He scowled at the boy, who suddenly decided it was a good idea to back up a step and innocently put his hands behind him. For protection.

"I just didn't want you to go," he said sadly.

"Aww," Brad said, melting. He opened his arms and Ramsey fell into his embrace. 

Whispering into his brother's ear, Ramsey said, "I can  _so_  be sneaky!"

"Brat," Brad said fondly, letting him go.

"Better go check in," John said, looking at his watch.

Brad checked in at the counter. He planned to take his bag on board, since it wasn't all that big. He would get his uniforms at basic training, and didn't want to take anything that he might not be allowed to keep. He'd left his Walkman at home for Ramsey.

The family shared a couple of Cokes while they waited, then finally at 1:05 the first boarding call came. They reluctantly got up, tossing their Coke cans in the trash, and said their goodbyes. Ramsey was teary and trembling slightly now that the moment had finally come. Brad wanted to cry himself, but was determined to be strong for his little brother, and not look weak in front of John. After all-around hugs, he turned to John and said, "Thanks for everything, John. I promise I'll make you proud."

Clapping his hands on Brad's shoulders, John said, "You already do. Every day. I love you so much."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you too." He leaned forward to give John another hug, then hefted his duffel bag to begin the short walk to the gate. 

The tears that had been brimming in Ramsey's eyes spilled over and silently streamed down his face. John handed him his handkerchief and put a comforting arm around each of his youngest boys. 

"We'll be on the road, so call home when you get there," John said. 

"I will," Brad said obediently. "Bye, guys. Jeff, Ramsey, be good!" 

They all waved as Brad went out the door to the tarmac to join the other passengers about to climb the stairs to get on the small plane. The Loftons went closer to the window to watch. Brad reached into his duffel bag, closed it, then started waving goodbye again.

"Hey, Ramsey!" Jeff laughed. "Look what he has!"

Walking out to the tarmac, their older brother had something in his hand and was cheerfully using it to wave goodbye. Something wooden. Something with which to serve salads, or punish naughty teens. Ramsey saw and started laughing through his tears, while John just smiled and shook his head. "That imp!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this epilogue! Thank you for following it and reading it! I'm not sure what will be next - there are several things that I've started, so I guess I'll just see what the boys want to do next :)


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